Arun Bhattarai:

I don’t want to stick to other’s philosophy. I want to dance to my tunes, fly on my own wings. But some intangible force resists me. My expectations are a tad too ambitious. Lying on the bed, I roam the globe in a jiffy. I am not sure what lures me and what I loathe. I try to console myself though not always successfully. I know I can’t touch the sky or pull down the stars. But I keep attempting it.

I am unable to fit in that arrangement in the long run. I keep on moving. Some, however, say my future is at stake. I believe the ‘next’ thing would herald a change for good. And the next and the next. For me no change is gradual; I am fond of brisk mutation — a sudden change that comes up with lots of new-fangled principles. Pragmatic as ever, I consider myself a benevolent bloke. I derive solace by lending an unrequited helping hand. I strive to find a new world, different from what we have now; a world where we could be at ease, a world where potential matters more than anything else, a world where labour gets its dignity and finally a world where denizens are paid for what they do.

The Gita says “Be content with what you have, neither you came with anything on hand nor will you pass away taking anything along.” But for me, that doesn’t hold true. I never keep myself satiated since my underlying philosophy yells the sky is the limit. I am aware that there doesn’t exist utopia. Meanwhile, I ponder at times how we gauge the level of satisfaction as some say I am satisfied while others say I am not. Is there any yardstick of success? Sure, it cannot be quantified, but that is no reason why I should not be optimistic.

Though my mentors have a conviction that I need to stabilise further, I take the advice with a pinch of salt not because I have no reverence towards them but because such stability limits my search for newer horizons. “If others can’t, could I?” is what I know.

When I switch workplaces for better prospects, people accuse of me of being ephemeral and submissive. Even so, the new destination is not to be my ultimate haven.

After all, it’s me who has to live with my follies and foibles as with success. Be it joy or dismay, I am the one who is always with me. I know what my shortcomings are; I know what I feel, am responsible for harbouring that feeling and constantly work to meet my ends. Believing my ability and striving to achieve my goal without any excuse is the ultimate challenge. Because you can’t please others without pleasing oneself, one has to live up to one’s expectations.