We will come to a fuller update on the king of pop’s many problems shortly, but for now, suffice to say that he seems to be in the increasingly familiar position of requiring urgent funds to satisfy some creditor or other. How else to explain a newly announced auction of Michael’s personal memorabilia in Beverly Hills next April — a five-day event at which the lots include his iconic rhinestone-encrusted white glove and the very gates of Neverland itself.

As for what kind of financial bounce Michael can expect from the auction, a pair of his white socks did go for $15,000 in 2005, but that was . . well, that was before The Allegations.. However, the Michael Jackson story is above all one of hope, and so it is that the Los Angeles auctioneers are already touting limited-edition signed auction catalogues, for a competitive $500 each. A flick-through confirms the sale will be a one-stop-shop for all your marble superhero statue needs, but the headline claim that this is “a once in a lifetime auction” seems oddly familiar.

“I cannot imagine that somewhere down the road, some other collection could come out of the woodwork and rival this,” boasted that auctioneer. “It’s not going to happen.” Mm.

Expect it to happen yet again sometime around next July. As for other Michael news, he appears to have burned every bridge he had with the Bahraini royal family, after some lonely sheikh put him up in the kingdom, all esoteric expenses paid, on the promise that he would stage his comeback with an album of songs written by said sheikh.

Frankly, letting people down is what he does these days. Like when he declined to oblige his brothers by moving to the south west of England for a reality show. Elsewhere, Akon is devastated that our hero has pulled out of a duet with him after it was leaked online. Oh, and the always reliable US magazine claims this week that Michael has “a very severe lung condition called Alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency.

He needs a lung transplant. He can barely speak and the vision in his left eye is 95% gone.” Alrighty… That about concludes the month in Michael Jackson, kids. Swings and roundabouts, all things considered.