Uday Lama

I find that increasingly I have become fixed in my ways. Not that I have any reason to complain but the fact sticks like a burr in my mind. One of which is that I do not lose sleep over any slight or provocation which is a good thing as it befits my personality. Come to think of it a routine life suits me best as I am inclined to be a lazy bone. This is not to say that I shirk my share of the burden. Far from it when the thought crosses my mind that I do something about it then I gird my loins and set about making an example of myself. To wit, having a fixed number of things to do makes for a lifestyle in spite of what may happen in the process. There is no let-up in this regard and it speaks for itself. As such this brings a change in manners, however, boorish it may be.

Being set in a groove is like a long playing record with the same old song being played over and over again. So does the rhythm of my life produce just the same effect. But there is no regret over what might have been in this connection only a wish for better things. Although these are not forthcoming it produces a glow and I bask in its warmth. The right and proper way baffles me to no end and so I am on the lookout for options. There are no two ways of doing things and so I surmise. Having come to this conclusion I begin to solicit myself in the hope of bettering the record. But the usual set-up stares me in my face and I beat a hasty retreat. This provides relief and I revel in it even its for a short time.

It is obvious what this has done for a lifetime in thinking thoughts that come and go - much like the changing seasons or the fluctuations of the stock market. Much as I would hate to admit it there is only a mute acceptance. This registers with the force of a sledgehammer but there is nothing I can do save give in graciously. Giving into the rules and regulation has its downside. I have to follow the guidelines like a blind man tapping the cane. But the similarities

end here as I do not dither in taking advantage of any show of weakness. This never fails to delight me and so I find myself redirecting my steps, accordingly. What I would like to elaborate next is my penchant for settling accounts not scores. For these are two different ways of reacting to a given situation. And so I make amends and align myself in a relationship. Accord, not discord is how I see things and from which I do not shy away come what may.