Nepal | September 21, 2019

Raise your kids with love and care

Himalayan News Service
Raise your children with love and care

Ratna Sagar Shresha / THT

Children are not familiar with the consequences of things they do. We can make them realise that they are being naughty and stubborn, but with love. Only then they will understand it better and they will try their best to improve their habits. Creating fears by scolding is not a good way as it creates a distance between parents and a child. Love is the only way to make a child better. However, at times when only love does not work, raising our voices and scolding is also needed.

— Anonymous

Raising a child is one of the most sacred as well as challenging duties of parents. For me there is no right or wrong way of doing this. Upbringing of a child is dependent on several factors such as society, local culture, level of education, awareness and inter-and intra-relationships of the parents and the other close family members involved, financial status, socio-economic and socio-political conditions of the nation in which the child is born and over all positive environment to mention only a few.

However, most researches indicate that it is important to provide love and the family bond necessary for a baby to grow into a child and then a teen; and slowly transform into a responsible adult. Restraining parental emotions towards any extremes is also necessary along with providing the child with physical and psychological nourishments as he/she is growing up. With the transformation in age, parents need to become trusted friend or allies rather than authoritarian guardians only and to offer some space between them for the child to flourish emotionally and psychologically and teach him/her to be self reliant, confident and independent.

— Saikat Kumar Basu, Lethbridge AB, Canada

Today’s children need more value-based education rather than academic education. True education is the training of both the head and the heart. In order to control rampant behaviour of students, teachers ought to deal with students’ psychological rather than punishing them severely. There is a necessity of gripping methodology of teaching and powerful performance of teachers in order to cope with the obstacles that hinder the students’ performances. All we need to do is, inculcate a sense of responsibility in the students. This can possibly be the child-friendly remedial action.

— Sanjog Karki, Tansen-6, Basantapur, Palpa

Raising a child is like a pottery work, the final shape depends upon the potter — how they cast the clay. Similarly, it totally depends upon parents to raise their children in a better way. Being rude, scolding them, and being strict do not work. These are only ways to scare them.

Children should be nurtured with love and care. They should be taught to be happy, value the things and time. Parents should be their children’s friends so the young ones find a good environment at home, feel free to talk, and share their feelings.

— Anonymous

Every child is stubborn but the degree depends upon a particular hormone secretion and genetic inheritance. This is why every child should be dealt uniquely and nicely. Punishing a child for his/her wrong action is the worst way to raise and treat a child. For an immature mind, punishment is a barrier that prevents them from repeating the same mistake — once they are able to overcome that barrier they are bound to do it again. Some of my friends at school, who were published most, have either left school or have failed in their exams. Also, these punishments may cause psychological disorder.

— Nav Raj Paneru, Suda 7, Kanchanpur

Children would not change their behaviours just because that are beaten, scolded or threatened for their wrong doing. Even if they change, it is momentary only. Rather, punishments might have a negative impact in their minds.

Instead, parents need to play an important role to help their children become better person. For this they should use three formulae — instead of raising voice, talk to them politely; rather than scolding them
for their mistakes, provide them morals; and don’t hit your
child, instead involve them in social activities.

— Santosh Chaulagain, Sindhupalchowk

I consider raising voices and scolding are good techniques to restrict children from bad behaviours. But one should be aware of their limits because hitting can become a habit which brings a higher chances of injuring children. So, I would rather say hitting is a secondary step to discipline a child.

Often children are not capable of distinguishing right or wrong. Sometimes, they do things deliberately and sometimes they are influenced by the surrounding and their peers. They are in their learning phase and even if they commit what is against your expectation, they should be appreciated because mistake is most importantly the step to revisit the actions and re-learn. This causes no physical harm as well as children feel appreciated and loved by the parents or the adults.

— Sangita Tamang, Boudha, Kathmandu

Rather than raising our voice why not make the children think about the consequences of their stubborn behaviours? Children must be allowed to give a proper reasoning on why they want something to be done. They should be taught to think about the pros and cons of their actions to help them become a better person.

— Anonymous

Harsh behaviours like raising our voice, and hitting children to control them affects them negatively. We have to be polite while the children are around us. We should tell them about right or wrong without being aggressive. Our responsibility, as adults is to create a good environment for the children to grow.

— Anonymous

First, the parents and guardians have to understand the nature of their children and the intention of their doings. If their doings are wrong intentionally or unintentionally, parents and guardians have to tell them that it is wrong and it should not be done again. Children should be told about the consequences of their mistakes so that they would not do it again.

Secondly, before the children do anything wrong parents and guardians have to teach them right things to shape their
children’s habit. They should politely make children understand what they are trying to teach them.

Lastly, parents and guardians should set an example for their children so that they would learn good things from them, as children learn by observing as well.

— Aishwarya Rai, Golfutar, Kathmandu

Children have pure minds, which can imitate things easily, be it good or bad. If we fill the children’s mind with good things and good behaviours, surely they will grow to become ideal person. Showing aggressive behaviour to control them makes them more cruel. Spending more time with children, playing with them, being polite, friendly, listening to them can help a lot to make him/her a better person, it doesn’t need any expertise. You reap what you sow.

— Safala Karki, Kathmandu

Parents should not beat their children. It is only natural that children do all sorts of things without realising that it is right or wrong. Whenever they make mistakes, they should not be given harsh punishments. Your bad temper can affect your child negatively in the long run. Instead parents should make their children realise their mistakes and help them cope with their failures.

— Anonymous

These steps are not exactly essential to improve habits of children. Scolding them is not only the solution. The right way to raise a child to make him/her a better person is to convince them in calm manner, saying them not to be stubborn. Scolding a child does not solve the problem, rather it makes them more stubborn and naughty. Soft and sweet voice of the parents carrying influencing words makes the behaviour of children calm, which always reflects a person’s good quality.

— Shilpi Agrawal, Kalaiya -5

I believe that a balanced approach has to be adapted to raise children. Excessive scolding and physical torture is only a temporary way to control the stubborn ones. They gradually develop resistance to such actions and it is only a matter of time before such children become rebellious. Some of them may fall in the pit of depression as well.

However, giving limitless freedom to children is equally detrimental too, as the children end up being spoiled. Hence, a moderately strict method must be followed by the parents, where the children are allowed to take their own
decisions but are closely guided and monitored.

— Anonymous

Children become hostile towards us if we hit and scold them. Instead they should be taught moral lessons — for instance, if children use rude words, we should tell them that a person using rude words is not loved by others. Every mother should teach her child to use polite words like ‘thank you’ after the child is given some kind of help, as a child spends most time with his/her mother. We can help them improve their bad habits with motivation — if they do not do their homework, we can promise to provide them with treat, on completion of their assignment.

— Bishwo Raj Moktan, Padampokhari-14

Viewing from a parent’s perspective, steps like scolding, hitting children are quite essential to improve their habits. But the question is — up to what limit? One should not cross their limit but should control their anger. Most children are habituated to play with mobile phones and other electronic gadgets. If one tries to control them, they will be out of control. So, it is necessary to handle them by reading their mind as well and know the reasons why they are behaving in such a rude manner. For this, along with love and care, the following steps should be considered:

  1. Spend quality time with children so that they won’t feel they are neglected .
  2. Advice them to improve their bad behaviours.

iii. Create friendly atmosphere so that they would feel free to share their feelings.

— Surya Maya Maharjan, Dhumbarahi-04

To control or improve behaviours of children, we should teach them in good manner rather than scolding, shouting, and punishing them. If we put them on pressure them to improve, eventually it makes them worse than helping those young minds to be a better person.

They often go out of order but if we request them to come back in the right path with politeness, love, and care definitely they will follow our instructions. Teaching them with an example of any kind of moral story might be quite useful technique.

— Bijay R Pandey, Kathmandu

Children should be kept away from the vices. Sometimes evil things strike their mind. They believe them and develop anti social attitude. In order to control their bad behaviours necessary measures should be adopted but should never be harsh enough to demotivate or intimidate them. Parents are the children’s mentor and guardian. They should act to benefit their children. So, taking care of their age and immaturity, parents should raise their voices and scold them in order to correct them. However hitting them or giving corporal punishment cannot be justified as it dampens their psychology and suppresses their capabilities. The best way to raise children is to love them, understand their needs and wants, be their companion, their protector such that they strengthen their emotions and develop right perception and become a better person.

— Anonymous

Children should not be punished physically or scolded when they make mistakes. We should love and care for them in such a way that they are motivated to change their bad behaviours. Also we should reward them if they develop good habits.

— Dip Kumar Chaudhary, Kapan, Kathmandu

Being naughty and stubborn is an inevitable character that every child possesses. Being a sensible grown up, it is the sole responsibility of a parent to understand their children. Raising our voices, scolding or frequent spanking would tend to jeopardise their freedom of choice which initially puts them under pressure every time they attempt anything new and unusual. Moreover, such actions only succeed in taming them leading to a psychological burden that would ultimately hinder their personal growth. Every child should be given a platform to explore things on their own. Parents shall often examine the behaviours and activities of their children and educate them at their initial step of making any wrong move. It would rather involve them in a learning process ultimately making a better person out of them.

— Sonam Lama, Bouddha

If we consider a child below five years of age, I strongly recommend not scolding and beating them unless s/he is committing very wrong mistake. According to some researches, a child can learn proportionately high below age five in comparison to any of the ages above it. It is a valuable age when one can learn many things in a short period.

It is easier said than done, but I would say that every child should be dealt with cool and calm voice primarily, but if not obeyed child should be forced to walk in the right track.

— Arjun Prasad

Raising voice and beating children is not a solution. The problem with every parent is that we don’t try to understand our children. Let’s accept their stubborn nature, because they are children. Instead, deal with them patiently, creating a
sound environment for them to speak fearlessly.

— Anonymous

Most of us do not entertain the naughtiness of children but we tend to forget that we too were the same few years back. So, I don’t think it is good to scold and shout out at them and restrict them to live their precious period of life to the fullest. My young brother is very much stubborn, mostly he annoys my mother with his stupid acts. I have seen my mother throwing sweepers or sleepers over him, but he keeps on annoying her. And sometimes when my mother teaches him the lessons of life being calm, he is quiet and understanding. It has made me realise that it is good to negotiate things with your children between the peaceful talks, and then create some enjoyable wars with them.

— Sayana Khatun, Baghbazaar, Kathmandu

If fights and shouting would be the solution, different world wars would strengthen the ties between countries, not create enmity. Same is the case with children — they need to be provided with love and care for their betterment. They should not be demotivated with scolding and hitting.

— Milan Aryal, Kirtipur

Children have very innocent heart. They never do anything to make anyone angry. Naive children imitate the things occurring around them, or adults’ behaviours too — be it right or wrong. Hence, we (adults) should make some changes in our behaviour and day-to-day activities to raise children into a better person. We should call them using respectful words, since if we want to be respected, we should learn to respect our children too. Saying ‘Please’ when asking for something, ‘Thank You’ when receiving something from somebody, are recommendable. Do not comment on others physical appearance or characteristics unless it is to compliment them in the presence of children. We need to develop the habit to greet children be it morning, day or night. Tell them mythical stories so that they acknowledge their culture and traditions. We should scold or stare at them at their mistakes but try hard never to beat or thrash them.

— Ananya Mishra, Balkhu

There is no certain system and policy to raise a child. Every child is different and the way parents nurture and raise them differs individually. Childhood is the prime time from where they learn to adjust with the atmosphere. Children’s creativity flourishes depending on their parents’ way of manipulating them. Rather hitting and scolding them, we should give more emphasis on innovative tricks and ways to overcome their stubbornness and naughtiness according to their nature. We should motivate and aware them to learn from their every act.

Child only knows the language of love and affection. Loud voice, scolding make a child dull and fearful. We should tackle with their emotion and aware them every time. Simple formula to deal with their naughtiness is — equip with them only with soft words, aware them, solve their tiny problems and most important shower them with ample of love and attention.

— Aarati Regmi, Itahari-6, Sunsari

It’s rather unlikely for a child raised by insensitive parents to turn out to be a better person in life. Most parents force their opinions and beliefs on their children. Instead of giving them an appropriate explanation of why something is immoral or wrong, they order them not to do so simply because it’s wrong. In the process of quenching their thirst, children tend to make mistakes. Subsequently, they get scolded harshly or beaten up.

Sometimes, I think of how wondrous it would be if things were the other way around. If only parents would impart moral values to their children and help them discover their purpose right from the formative period, things would be different. They would be capable of differentiating between the right and the wrong. On top of it all, raising a child in the right way is by understanding him/her. If you fail to understand your child, you fail as a parent by default.

— Puzan Reezal (Eva)

Children are immature and tend to make mistakes. If we beat them their psychology will be affected negatively. So, we have to teach the children about good and bad by showing them love and affection. We can even gift them their favourite chocolates or toys if they stop their bad behaviours.

— Sonika Lamichhane

Scolding children may be immediate solution to the problem but not a permanent one. Parent’s aggressiveness often create problems and makes it more complex to understand the emotions of children.

The best way to manage children’s stupid act is to be a friend with them first and then a parent. A good example is — if your child spills flour on the floor, take it into your hand, rub it on your and his cheeks with big laugh. Or you can join your children if they are playing video games and watching cartoons. When you become friends, guide them about the right thing to do and wrong thing that should not be done. Understand their emotions and what they really want, address their needs to some extent and sometimes divert their mind by presenting interesting proposals. Don’t hesitate to appreciate their good acts.

— Madan Ghimire

From one point of view, criticising, and hitting children help control bad behaviours of children. For instance, students of varied attitudes are there in school, and those who make mistakes are penalised — the only goal of the school is to help them pass exams. But from other aspect, it is not a good idea to hit and scold children. Instead the best ways to raise are — providing them with proper environment, and understanding their wishes and feelings.

— Sanat Ale, West Kathmandu


A version of this article appears in print on February 28, 2016 of The Himalayan Times.


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