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KATHMANDU, APRIL 5
In my teenage days, a marriage simply meant a nice wedding – beautiful clothes, a party and plenty of fun. Years later, on reaching the marriageable age, marriage has got a profound meaning altogether for me.
Most importantly, the choice of getting married is simply a new-found freedom. In our society, the phrase 'timro palo kaile' (when is your turn?) is so common that any 90's kid would relate to it. To put it simply, you need to get married because you must.
I have aunties in my family who are happily unmarried.
One day I asked them, who are in their late fifties, if they ever regretted their decision. Instead they said they loved their freedom; they did not get married not because they did not find a groom, a good family or were heartbroken but because they chose not to get married at all.
This freedom of choice is what I am talking about. Freedom to choose to live one's life one's own way.
Yes, many women and men undergo arranged marriage without knowing who the would-be spouse is. I do not say it is bad, only that it should not be forced on anyone.
There are cases in our country where some do not have any choice other than to become a bride.
While I was in my early twenties, I used to give tuition to a girl, Laxmi. She hailed from a village in western Nepal and was studying in class 11. She had gone to her village for some days, and when she returned she had gotten married at the age of 18.
It was a shock for me as the little bubbly girl now comes to my home wearing the sindoor and pote. Without a pause, I asked her, "Why did you get married so early? She hesitantly replied, "May parents forced me, and I had no choice."
Laxmi wanted to study and aspired to become a teacher.
Therefore, she was adamant on continuing her studies. But she could not do that for long as she got pregnant within two months and left for her husband's village, may be never to return. One can imagine how long an 18-year-old girl, with no financial security and higher education, can fight to take her life's decisions.
On that matter, I feel blessed, as my parents never put pressure on me to get married. I recall my father saying, getting married is not the big thing, being independent is. Everyone, especially a woman, should be physically, mentally and, most importantly, financially independent before tying the knot.
It gives a woman confidence and self-esteem.
I am in my late twenties, and I have the liberty to get married when I think I am ready or not getting married at all. My parents have given me the freedom to choose my life my way, for which I can't thank them enough. Getting married or staying single - it should be your choice.
A version of this article appears in the print on April 6, 2022, of The Himalayan Times.
