LONDON: Soon after a book revealed the 27 faces of men, a report in the Daily Mirror presented by Jane Ridley puts women into 27 distinctive character types and claims all women fit into one of her categories. Her A-Z of the fairer sex, makes for some very interesting reading. Bird with a brain: Both an intellectual and a good-time gal. Stuffs her books in her Gucci handbag and knows as much about Prada as Pythagoras. Bitch: A man’s woman who sees other women purely in terms of competition. Queen of the putdowns, she would eat Bridget Jones for breakfast.

Alpha female: Bossy, loud-voiced, go-ahead. Waiters always ask her to taste the wine.

The cat lover: Friendly, 30-something dreamer whose shopping basket is chock-full of ready meals, chardonnay and cat food. Envies and despises smug marrieds. Diet obsessive: This Twiglet is impossible to socialise with because she can’t hold a conversation unless it involves calorie intakes, Atkins or your glycaemic index.

Sassy singleton: Girl about town who loves cocktails and can drink men under the table. Driven in both her career and her pursuit of a husband. Ladette: Mouthy and always up for a laugh, she can smoke eight fags at once and drink all her weekly alcohol units in two hours. Likes wearing tight jeans and skimpy tops. Earth mother: Ethereal and hippyish. Makes own bread and sews children’s clothes. Eco-Girl: Big-hearted veggie in combats can shin up a tree quicker than you can say Newbury by-pass. Never get her into an argument about the Kyoto Agreement.

Funny girl: Always there to put a smile on your face with her witty wisecracks. Not the person to console you after a pet has died. Librarian: Reads books, watches Heartbeat and University Challenge. Could be stunning if she invested in her appearance. Mutton mamma: The only size 10 she looks good in is her shoes, but this delusional woman of a certain age still dresses like a Sugababe.

Mumsy: Nurturing type who puts her kids before everything else. Always there in a crisis with a packet of Wetwipes. New mum: Thinks she is the only person ever to have given birth. Fiercely combative about her baby’s looks and development. Pleaser: She can’t do enough to make you like her, handy if you need to borrow. Sporty spice: A Gym bunny who knows more about the Premiership than Alan Hansen.

Posh totty: Had a crush on the head girl at school. Spends Daddy’s money on hairdressing, holidays and balls. Rock chick: Lives life on the edge, bottle of Jack Daniel’s in hand. Has body-piercing and tattoos. Likes to grab attention, so slightly bisexual. Stepford wife: Holds traditional views about the family and wouldn’t dream of going out to work. Doesn’t like sex, it would crease her frock. Superwoman: Reads the FT as if it were Heat, doesn’t let giving birth get in the way of mega deals. Girl next door: Pretty, down-to-earth, sensible and fun-loving. Men would be delighted if she was their girl’s best mate, they’d love to bed her.

Try harder: Art student type with wacky hair and far-out dress sense. Flirty, but with no follow-through. Uber-chic: Unflappable clothes horse who would look good in a sack. Has never skidded on dog poop or got her heels stuck down a drain. Venus: Leggy, high-maintenance princess-type never has a hair out of place. Is constantly told she’s adorable but knows it already. Wannabe: Her fake tan is so deep she’s been Tangoed. She wears impossibly short skirts and her dream is to bed Darren Day. Aynetta: The couch is her natural habitat. Names two of her eight babies Benson and Hedges and lives off state handouts.