A mother’s fight

The most devastating news a mother could hear was “I am HIV Positive”. After sometime the sock in the gut feeling subsided but the tears have now let lose. I broke down today in a bookstore after finding out that none of the bookstores carry any books on HIV and living with this disease. I got socked in the gut again realising that the stigma is alive and well in the tidy suburbia where neighbours will close their doors and minds to a mother’s grief.

I have hesitation to tell my own Mother. Wondering if she will abandon my son and close off to him. He does not want them to know yet and I won’t tell them. Still, it feels that again I have a set of parents that just don’t get it. That you love your children regardless of their HIV status.

I am so scared for him. I want to wrap him in cotton and take him home with me. I just have to wait. Wait for virus level results, T-Cell results, results for everything and the waiting is killing me…..

What we as parents go through is a myriad of anger, confusion and grief. I found that there were only two support groups for parents in our area and I was frustrated and saddened by this.

One train of thought is that parents would not participate in support groups because the HIV positive status has been deemed a chronic illness. But with chronic illnesses there are many times when it can get to you. When hearing your child go through a myriad of complications while s/he is on the meds, worry when the T-cells start fluctuating and general panic when flu or worse strikes. It is a helpless feeling; one that I know many parents can be overwhelmed by. So I do feel there is a need for a support group for parents of HIV positive children. I am learning to breathe…… —Author Unknown