Love is grand, divorce is a hundred grand.

• I am in shape. Round is a shape.

• Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

• Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.

• Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

• Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

• Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

• An optimist thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears this is true.

• There will always be death and taxes, however, death doesn’t get worse every year.

• In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

• I am a nutritional overachiever.

• I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

• A day without sunshine is like night.

• It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

• The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

• Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

• Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes it comes alone.

• Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.