I don’t think that marriage is an unequal union. Every object has two sides, and every side has its own characteristics. Sacrifice, compromise, understanding and tolerant are 50-50 for the man and woman in this union. These are just the so-called things that the woman has to bear more. In fact, man and woman who have equal responsibility lead to a happy married life. We cannot measure and at the same time I don’t think that we can measure. There is no equipment to measure it. So, these are totally dependent upon our feelings.

— Bikram Man Shrestha, Baneshwor

A husband and wife are supposed to be two wheels of a cart, but I have seen many cases where the woman has to sacrifice more. Many husbands dominate their wives to show power in society. The woman performs all the work inside and outside the home. But in today’s context, it has changed. So in my case, I will do our best, rather than my best.

— Yush

Women have been the symbol of love, beauty and dedication since the birth of the world but have always been criticised and dominated. Many seminars, conferences are conducted to make people aware about equal rights for men and women, but it is seen that women are just considered as birth machines. Women are used to add appeal to advertisements, as an attractive someone in offices and to add glamour in magazines and papers. They are not taken as ideologists and scholars. The gentleman marries a girl not for support, but for purpose. More than often women are kept busy washing, cooking and handling household activities. Yet even for little things she had to take her husband’s permission. She laughs, weeps, eats and sleeps according to her husband’s desire, and not by her will. So how can we say that marriage is an equal union, a 50-50 pact? Society needs both to accept duties and responsibilities where a busy husband supports his tired wife by helping her in household work, and again the responsible wife assists her beloved husband by getting all things ready.

— Sundar Manandhar

Marriage is an amicable agreement based on commitment that binds two people. However, it is the woman who serves the family more and plays different roles in the family very gracefully. I feel that marriage is not the matter of dividing responsibilities like 50-50 or 60-40. Both the husband and wife should give their 100 per cent each from their sides for an understanding and a happy conjugal life.

— Krisha Amatya

Marriage is more a compromise than a sacrifice. Your married life becomes successful when you and your partner experience and realise that both of you have been the most understanding, adjusting and cooperating better half for each other. I do agree that in Nepal, marriage is somewhat a 60-40 pact. We live in a patriarchal society, and despite efforts and campaigns, it is still male-dominated. Most people here prefer a working husband and a static housewife, which is the most dominant of all compromises on the woman’s behalf. But the condition isn’t as bad as Judy Brady has portrayed in her essay I want a wife. Of late, we have been recognising the importance of women to a family. The ideal state would be an equal blend between husband and wife to better their world socially, economically and personally.

— Nishant Shandilya, Baluwatar

Our society is structured in such a way so as to benefit men in the political, social, and economic aspects over women. This fact also influences the conjugal life and women are meant to compromise and sacrifice more than the men. Moreover women are the symbols of affection, sympathy, patience, dedication and sacrifice in a family. Women always put aside their benefits in favour of the welfare of the family and there is always a sense of getting involved for a family cause and why should she not give up her happiness and luxury for that. She receives contentment and satisfaction from the pleasure of her husband, children and other family members. The other reason behind an unequal union is the role of the partners in the family life. While the husband is the lone earning hand of the family, he presumes himself superior to his partner eventually inducing inferiority complex in her and she has to compromise things more out of obligation. With more women getting involved in education and joining hands with men in all other development activities, things might change in the days to come.

— Sudeep Sharma, Pulchowk

I define ‘marriage’ as the integration of two spirits for attaining eternal happiness. Marriage is not the compromise made by the two participating souls — man and woman. I believe marriage is an equal union and it can be 50-50. In most cases, it is the woman who has to sacrifice more, but I don’t think it can be generalised in all the cases. I believe the world is in the course of change. In the past, the world was totally patriarchal. The social environment encouraged the husband to consider his wife as possession rather than life partner. I think this scenario is changing with the men beginning to realise their roles in a happy married life. In my view, both man and woman should realise that married life is not for calculating who sacrificed more or who tolerated more; it is the time to enjoy each other’s company. Both partners should sacrifice their egos at times for the sake of mutual happiness. After all, the ultimate aim of human life is lifelong happiness.

— Subodh Kumar Bidari, Syuchatar

Yes, we always theoretically talk about 50-50 contributions from both man and woman, but it never happens in practically. It’s the woman who has to sacrifice more, understand more and tolerate more. However, it’s not true that greater the woman’s contribution, happier the married life. In a relationship, one-sided contribution never results in a successful union nor is it lasting. What matters the most is the mutual understanding, love and care for each other. Both man and woman should have the sense of respect and belongingness for one another.

— Prazina, Kathmandu

This kind of tendency is mostly seen in underdeveloped and undeveloped countries. In these countries, women are backward. The first reason for this backwardness is due to lack of education. They don’t have empowerment. They cannot raise their voice against any kind of dissimilarity. So women have to sacrifice more than men in the case of marriage. As far as the role of man and woman in this union for a better relationship, understanding is the main thing. Both man and woman are two wheels of a chariot, and if there is some problem in one wheel, the cart cannot go ahead. In other words, both man and woman must respect each other’s sentiment. If any misunderstanding comes, they should realise their own mistake and be sorry.

— Gopal Khanal, Pokhara

In case of work, both male and female are equal in their fields. Males shouldn’t hesitate to work in the kitchen, and females in the office. Besides, a female respecting her husband and loving her children will surely help in the 50-50 union and lead them and their family to prosperity. That is a happy life.

— Binod Regmi (Smith), Tulsipur

Gone are the days when women had to sacrifice more, be more tolerant and understanding as compared to men. These days the roles of the bride and groom in marriage are equal. There are compromises from both the sides, and sometimes there seems more compromises from one side. With growing awareness, women’s empowerment and education, both men and women have equal contribution in a marriage and only equal contributions and sacrifices from both sides can lead to a happy married life.

— Rajendra Prasad

Pangeni, Kathmandu

With change in time, these days we see males being more understanding and shouldering more responsibility on the home front. Be it in a developing nation like Nepal where the majority of our women are confined to kitchens, or in a developed ones like the US where a woman is seen dancing in a night club leaving a husband and kids at home, we see males being more conscious and aware about long lasting happiness and longevity of married lives. So in this sense, I do not see ladies being more tolerant and compromising. There are cases in our country where the husband is abroad toiling for the betterment of his family while his wife spends a lavish life visiting discos and cabarets every night. By the time the husband comes home with colourful dreams, he finds his wife has eloped with someone else. This is just an instance to prove that a woman hardly sacrifices for the family. But there are female partners who are very understanding and do play a very crucial role in family life, but the number is negligible. In my view, the contribution ratio stands at 80-20, 80 indicating male.

— Tilak Poudel, CA, US

In Nepal at least marriage is an unequal union. From the first day of the marriage, a woman has to compromise by leaving her family and settle in a new home. In the new family, she is obliged to be tolerant, more compromising and more sacrificing. She cannot raise her voice against any member of the new family. If she dares to ask for equal rights, then the seed of divorce begins to germinate. The woman cannot live her own life but has to live for others after marriage. It is rightfully said that the life of woman ends after marriage whereas the man’s begins. It is well known that men are not generally compromising and tolerating. So, it is the woman who makes the married life happy and successful.

— Bikram Neupane, Naikap

Marriage is a bond between two people. And yes, marriage is an unequal union. It is never 50-50.

From the time of confirming the marriage to their separation, the woman attacked by the sword of masculinity.

In the context of Nepal, a man has the right to select the woman as per his convenience but we do not have any system of a woman choosing a man to get married. Not only this, during the process of marriage, the parents of the woman must bow their heads in front of the demands of the man’s parents in the name of dowry, and after marriage, the woman should always be at the service of her husband. At this point of her life, she can be compared to a personal computer, which is always on stand-by mode for its master.

Women have been victims of injustice, inequality and oppression for ages. It is because of the nature of social structure, ritual structure and a long history of male domination in society.

We know that today, many of the developed nations have got to the top of the peak of success by providing equal opportunities to both sexes. Considering this fact, until we Nepalis, in the name of marriage, eradicate this kind of sex-discrimination, our pace on the way of development is never going to be greater than that of a tortoise.

— Bal Mukunda Thapa

Being a man, I agree with the view that women have to compromise more as compared to men after marriage. But times have changed now and women have been excessively empowered. Educating women has played a vital role for the clearance of disparity between men and women resulting towards empowering women on every area of society. The disparity between men and women has been narrowing due to the recent impact of various women activists working for women. Women had suffered in the past, but nowadays the scenario has changed and there have been drastic improvement on the part of women’s role in society and family. To make the ratio 50-50 we have to work, joining our hands together and clearing the hurdles one by one.

— Mahesh Pd Sharma,

Itahari

It’s a bitter truth that women have to compromise a lot after marriage. Our society has grown in such a way that women have to sacrifice more than men. They are never on par with the men, leaving out exceptional cases. They will always have to sacrifice their everything - freedom, friends, desires et cetera after marriage just to keep the family happy. And this has been regarded as the rule of the universe in our society. So if we really respect women, then there must be equal opportunity and work for both the men and women. And we have been talking a lot on these matters in seminars and programmes but still we have not been able to do so. To tell you the truth, what I think is that it would be the last day of the earth when there would be 50-50 for men and women. One has to suffer for the sake of the other. This is and has been the way of life. So marriage has been an unequal union and will continue to remain the same way. But what would be notable is if the union would have 60-40 pact. This would be somewhat acceptable.

— Bhuvan Tripathee, Baluwatar

When the matter is regarding being lovers, then women seem to be heavy on men. But when it comes to marriage, women have to be half-deaf, half-blind and half-ignorant. In other words, they have to compromise on everything. If a couple says “We have a successful married life” then we should empathise with the wife. Why do the Western countries have a higher divorce rate than ours? It is simply because women there do not believe in compromising and sacrificing their life to save their marriage. Though the concept of working women is gradually gaining ground here, compromise regarding marriage between men and women will never be equal, at least not in Nepal. Women as always will have to put their life on mortgage to get happy married life!

— Tsering Choezom, KMC

Compromise plays a vital role for a happy married life.It is true that a married life is a mixture of ups and downs. It may also lead to disastrous family conflicts or divorce. So,rather than spoiling relations, it is better to compromise. But, it is a paradox that, it is usually the woman who surrenders in order to strengthen and continue relations. And, also in many cases, she is compelled to do so. Marriage is a union of two souls, tied with the knot of love, understanding and equal responsibilities from both sides for a life time. Thus, both the sexes must compromise equally in order to sustain happy married life.

— Rajani Bhatta,

Universal college

I don’t think that marriage is a business deal where 50-50 is necessary, but a beautiful relationship. I’m strictly against words like sacrifice or compromise and especially when it relates to women. Man and woman are equal, both have equal roles so both should equally contribute for their happy married life. But I feel sorry for Nepali women who can only weep because her husband is her everything. So, please wake up Nepali wives and be independent and confident

— Shristi Kafle

Our marriage is simply a restriction. Where there is restriction, there is suffering. The sufferer is not only who is restricted, but also the one who restricts other. People say it is the woman who is restricted and suffered at her husband’s hands. Socially and physically it is a tangible fact. But there is one saying which indicates the truth behind her husband. “Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence, a life sentence.” He is bound to handle the family affairs giving up his freedom throughout his entire life. He’s restricted, despite his physical vigour, comparatively more than his wife mentally and psychologically. His internal suffering is more disastrous. Therefore, a woman has to compromise and contribute more in order to balance their suffering.

The reason behind their unequal union is their traditional perception of marriage. It should be taken as an opportunity to achieve their ultimate goals, then it will no more be a restriction for them.

— Anil Tuladhar, Bungamati

Marriage! Of course a union where two persons get united. The rule: Women leave their parents home and stay with husband forever. A great sacrifice, a new life and many more compromises.

Imagine living with people you never known before. What could it be? Only a woman can imagine. To cope with them, understand their feelings, views, really a very difficult task, isn’t it? But all women have faced it and done it, handled the whole family with their love, affection, care and sincerity. It’s not an easy task, it needs a lot of patienc and a great heart. Along with this, the most is cooperation, support, belief and mutual understanding of the husbands. Although, the union seems unequal, the feelings the husband and wife share in their life make 50-50 as a whole to them and others too.

— Kriti Basnet