Kathmandu:

I was in Class VI and happy. There was nothing I didn’t have. I was good at studies, with people. However, I had begun feeling a need for love. Not the love of my parents or friends, but the kind of love (attention) that a teenager wants from the opposite sex.

Gradually I found myself craving for the attention of boys.

Then Nikhil proposed and I said yes without a second thought. I told myself that it was what I wanted. However, deep inside my heart, I knew that I didn’t feel the same way for him that he did for me. Sometimes I even pitied him because I was keeping him in the dark about my feelings. I took him for granted but he didn’t know that.

But I continued with the relationship because it gave me a high, a huge ego-boost just knowing that a boy was crazy about me.

They say love can mountains and work wonders. I found myself falling for Nikhil as the days and months went by. I think it was Nikhil’s love that brought about this change in my feelings for him.

I tried to deny this change even to myself, but I knew that my feelings for him had changed. I knew that I really cared for him in a very, very special way. And that I didn’t want to lose him, ever.

Once I realised this, my love just grew and grew. Soon Nikhil became everything for me. I stopped caring about my studies, my parents, and my friends.

We are still together, but the dynamics of the relationship have changed. Now it is me who is desperately trying to hold on to him, but I can feel him slipping away. I can see he is happy without me. Maybe destiny is teaching me a lesson.

I tell myself to stop caring for him, to stop loving him, but I know that that’s something I’ll never be able to do.

I know that I will always love him with all my heart. And all I want to say is that I’ll always love him and be there for him.