Talk to me: ‘Accept reality as your first reference frame’

Should I say it?

I am a 21-year-old male in love with a woman. When I met her, I felt she is fit for me. But she is my best friend, too, so I am confused about what will happen if I propose. I don’t want to break up our good friendship. So what should I do??

— BR

Dear BR,

Stop feeling so romantic and try thinking logically. You seem to have concluded that this lady is “fit” for you...? The million-dollar question is are YOU fit for her? I appreciate the fact that your intentions are honourable and you want to marry her since she is not only your best friend but also the woman of your dreams. The only way you can find out if the feelings are reciprocal is if you begin by telling her what you feel.

Culture shock:

I am Nepali and have been in love with an Indian girl for six years since we were in class VI. She loves Nepali culture and me. She can talk, look and act like a normal Nepali girl. We want to marry, but it is difficult because we are from different cultures. I am worried that my parents may become upset when I tell them about her. How can I talk to them and make this easy for them?

— ABC and XYZ

Dear ABC and XYZ,

If you met this Indian girl in Class VI and proceed to develop special feelings for each other over the next six years, I presume you are just about finishing high school or Grade 12 now. Do you think you are both mature enough to be contemplating marriage at this very early stage? How do you plan to support a family with a high school degree? Who will hire you? Trust me... you can’t survive on just love and fresh air. I don’t think the “different cultures” that you talk about is really an issue. I think your parents would be upset if you told them you wanted to get married before you completed your university studies. Once in university, you may not even feel the compulsion to get married right away. You may even find someone more alluring than your childhood sweetheart. Give yourselves time and be sensible. If you are both still in love three years later... how about being honest and open with your parents? Remember there are two sets of parents who will be affected by your ultimate decision.

Radio dreams:

I’m a student of Humanities, and since mine is a morning class I’ve nothing to do for the remaining day. I have a desire to become an RJ. But the problem is I don’t know what to do and where to go. Is it compulsory to take an RJ training? If so, would you suggest names of some good training centres where training is given in English? Please suggest some other ways to utilise my time, which will prove to be fruitful for my chosen dream in the near future.

— Clueless

Dear Clueless,

At least, you are not confused that you want to utilise your leisure. Do you want to be an RJ dealing with news or with music? Will you speaking in English or in Nepali ? A degree is mass communications/ broadcasting or journalism is ideal. However, most of the RJ’s I know do not have specific training on being RJ’s. I suggest you listen to both the national and international TV/radio channels to guide you. There are some great FM channels that you can listen to sitting in Kathmandu. You can dial into some of the radio programmes and speak to your favourite local RJ’s. To improve your English skills you can always try the Biswa Bhasa Campus, which is very good, or the British Council in Lainchaur.

Bad Dad:

My father wanted me to study English and when I did badly because I did not like the course, my father cursed me and tried to beat me. He hit the wall when he struck out at me and told my uncles that the scars on his hand were from me. My mother brought me to Kathmandu a few years later and I joined a college. In spite of good economic conditions my father hasn’t helped me with even one rupee. I can go to school because I have the financial support of my friend, my mum and a loan. I know this is not good but what can I do without a job or my father’s help? My father always behaves in public, so everyone thinks he is a good guy, but the stress is killing me.

— Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

You are lucky to have the love and support of one great parent… your mother! Some children do not even have that. And then you have a friend too. For some perverse reason your father seems to be punishing you for your poor English grades. It seems that your father is very controlling and has a problem managing his anger. Add to this, his irresponsibility in not paying for your tuition fees etc. I know these are difficult issues but try to come to terms with these… so that you don’t stress yourself. Learn to forgive. The most important issue here is that you are still in college anyway without his help, so you have the liberty to choose what you want to study. Give your academics 100 per cent. To get a good job you need to finish college with good grades. Prove to your parents and to yourself that you are independent, brave and intelligent. Make the sacrifice worthwhile!

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