TALK TO ME : Cut loose of negetivity
My girlfriend is forever trying to force me to marry her. I want to finish my studies first but for her, education seems to be a leisure activity and recently, we’re having fearsome fights over the matter. I don’t want to break up (I tried but failed and my guilt made it all worse) but I can’t stand the constant fights, blackmail and tears. I am also failing to keep up academically.
— Sonju Devkota
Your girlfriend sounds very demanding and insecure. Would you marry her if she did not finish her studies? Are her tantrums a result of that fear? Convince her about the importance of both of you finishing your studies. Perhaps the strain of this relationship is affecting her academics, also. If your relationship remains bogged down by fights, blackmail and tears even then, perhaps it’s time to cut loose of the negativity and move on.
I am 17 and have just passed my SLC. I love making friends and hanging around but my dad has a problem with this. He always keeps an eye on what I do and with whom I talk overtelephone. Whenever I talk with a girl, even casually or without ulterior feeling or intent, he gives me a big lecture about studies after a while and says that my mind is always on girls which is absolutely wrong. I am really getting frustrated with this kind of conversations with my dad. Please suggest a solution.
Congratulations on passing your SLC! The exams and stress are over now — naturally you want to unwind and hang around! Teenagers do face what you term “irrational” behaviour by parents who don’t seem to understand what their teenage offspring want. This irrationality is about the generation gap. Each generation has produced parents who have been unable to come to terms with their teenage offspring’s choice of music, literature, slang, obsession with communication and fashion sense. So you are not alone. Sometimes parents are just unable to let go and are insecure about the power and influence they have on their children’s lives. However this “irrationality” is mostly about love, the protective instinct that parent’s have for their children and the fear that influences outside the home, may lead their children astray. I suggest you have a heart to heart talk with your Father, tell him about your academic aspirations and goals, introduce him to your friends so that he feels comfortable and at ease about your well being.
I was a good student at school. After I passed my PCL I was supposed to prepare for my medical entrance examinations. Meanwhile, unknowingly, I began to spend too much time in pondering over trivialities, watching TV, talking to girls and worrying about my future. Maybe I was resenting the idea of time management foisted on me so early in my life, maybe I was not focused on what I wanted to do or find out, maybe I had too much confidence in my abilities to manage an academic crisis, but the result of it all was that I faced failure for the first time in my life. And then I was suddenly trapped in a vicious cycle of failures. My well wishers, parents and friends tell me I still have a chance professionally if not academically, but I am so demoralised with my educational backlog that I just can’t bear to start studying. How can I start studying and winning again?
— Bishal Babu Basnet, Kathmandu
Be wary of distractions and the rut of self defeat. Your ego might have taken a bit of a blow with your recent academic failure but it does NOT mean doom and gloom. You are not the first person in the world to have suffered a setback. Consider yourself fortunate to have friends and your family who are there to support you. It is important that decide on what you really want to pursue academically and professionally, so the resentment factor of something being foisted on you is not there. Set realistic targets that don’t overestimate or underestimate your academic abilities. You can definitely win again if you decide to overcome the obstacles of your own making.
I really like a girl. I met her only two times and started to like her but, inadvertently, or maybe
to run away from my true feelings about her, I began to address her as bahini, on the excuse that she was my sister’s friend. Later after she left the Valley, I met her online and this time she spoke to me on equal terms, as a friend and an adult. We are now mailing regularly to each other but I still can’t tell her how I regard her because of my initial glitch. I feel like an idiot.Help!
— Krishna Thapa Panipokhari
Now that your “Bahini” has become your friend, what’s the problem? The fact that you are emailing her is a confirmation of a mutual “liking’ of each other. Are you still addressing her as Bahini? I am sure you don’t want to frighten your newfound sister away by a sudden outpouring of your feelings on the internet. Considering that you have only physically met her twice, give her some time to digest and appreciate your verbal exchanges. After this, pace yourself carefully before you can declare your “true feelings” for her.