I am 22, a teacher and had been going around with a guy two years elder to me for around six years. We were friends and gradually we came closer. He even wanted to marry me. But I didnâ€™t want to cause I wanted to focus on my career. Then he secretly got married to a girl around 10 months ago. I was devastated. He didnâ€™t want to stop seeing me even then. I severed all communications with him, but could not forget him. For eight months I remained out of touch, then from somewhere he got my cell number and called me up a month ago like nothing had happened. His behaviour towards me had not changed and I felt I had regained my lost love. I didnâ€™t even ask him about
his marriage and he also didnâ€™t and still doesnâ€™t talk about it. Weâ€™ve even become intimate physically. I think he loves me a lot even now. He is ready to do anything for me. But I fear what society will do and am concerned about future of the girl who is his wife. I canâ€™t forget him and canâ€™t imagine another person in my life. What do I do? â€” A girl in distress
Dear Distressed Girl,
What does your married lover mean when he says he is ready to do anything for you? I think it is important for you to understand that your lover did not have an arranged marriage. The woman he married secretly was probably someone he was intimate with. Are you sure you not being manipulated by a skillful womaniser? Tread carefully to avoid getting more hurt. It is important for you to know the following:
1. How important are you to him and what does he feel about his wife?
2. If he loves you why does he not divorce his wife, before he starts a family with someone he doesnâ€™t love? THEY will have children, and you will be called a home wrecker.
3. Will you be content being his unmarried concubine?
4. Make sure you have protected sex because in the event you have children, will your lover support a second family?
5. Whether you like it or not, your relationship has weight only if he agrees to divorce his wife.
6. Believe it or not, itâ€™s up to you to set the terms and conditions in this relationship, and to decide how you want this affair to end or progress.
I am am a resident of Butwal and have just completed my +2 (Science). I want to go to China to study MBBS and am also looking at opportunities in Australia and have got my IELTS marks too which are good. However, many of my friends have advised against China as they say the standard of education is low. But I am looking at the third ranked medical college in China. I am confused about what should I do. I also suffer from poor health and it will be difficult for me to earn and study in Australia, which is not the problem in China. What should I do? â€” Indra Thapa
Medical studies demand a lot of time and study. You have stated your poor health as an obstacle for work and study opportunities. This means Australia is out taking these facts into account. China is an emerging super power and making great progress in the field of medical research, you are applying to one of the best medical co-lleges in China, be happy.
With her ex
I am 17 and have a girlfriend, whom Iâ€™ve known since I was 10. But we fell in love just four months ago. We used to go out on dates twice a week. But since I stopped going out on dates with her due to financial problems, she has stopped talking with me. She also doesnâ€™t phone me. Three days ago, I saw her with her ex. But I love her. Can you suggest something? And if she isnâ€™t in my life, then I will commit suicide. â€” S Man
Dear S Man,
You have to learn to get on with your life and face realities with strength and fortitude. Did you tell your girlfriend you only sto-pped going out on dates with her because of your financial position? Or were you too proud to share this economic fact with her? If you have not explained your financial situation to your girlfriend, how do you expect her to understand why you stopped inviting her out on dates? Perhaps she thinks you want to avoid her, and that you want her out of your life. If this is the case, call her, tell her the truth and rectify the situation before it is too late. However, if this girl dropped you because of your economic fragility, then you should be celebrating her departure from her life. You are so young and it is NOT the end of the world. There will be plenty of other girls.