White and afraid:

I am 23 and I fear that I have the ‘whitening’ disease. It started as a whitish-pink blemish around a mole on my neck, which gradually grew and whitened the black mole. I got it checked twice, but did not get any satisfactory answer. The doctors have diagnosed it as ‘Holo nerve’. I do not know whether it is curable. I am psychologically distracted. Please help me. — Padam P

Dear Padam P,

I can understand your concern. Please note that it is important you consult a skin specialist right away, so that you are advised correctly. There are several go-od skin specialists in Kathmandu. Do not procrastinate, see one immediately.

Long way away :

I am a 20 and love a girl of the same age very much. We’ve been going around for three years, but I have realised I cannot continue the relationship as I don’t have plans to marry for the next 9-10 years. I know she can’t wait for me for such a long time. I haven’t told her that I want to leave her for my career. How can I convince her of this? — Mandy

Dear Mandy,

Stop playing the Dandy and tell her the truth. You have outgrown this relationship and you are not in love with this girl anymore. You have underestimated a woman’s resilience, your girlfriend probably would have waited for you if she knew for sure you loved her. However, as this is not the case, it is better that you end this relationship as gently and kindly as possible.

Angry papa:

I am 16 and have a boyfriend, who is 18. We go on dates, but whenever I do, I always have to face a big problem at home. My dad doesn’t trust me, but my mum is always there for me. I had stopped going out on dates with my guy because of this and he started going out with another girl saying I was never there for him. We are together now but my biggest problem is my dad. He gets angry and I can’t see tears in my mum’s eyes. How can I build trust in my dad’s eye for me? I am convinced he hates me and doesn’t believe me. Is it my love that has forced him to behave in such a strict manner? What should I do? — Niva Pradhan

Dear Niva,

You are not in a unique situation... many dads all over the world do not know how to cope with their teenage daughters and their boyfriends. For many fathers, the fact that their precious daughters have grown up is difficult fact to accept. Some fathers feel that no boy is worthy of their daughter, while others find it difficult to accept that another male has taken their place of affection. You must remember that the purity and innocence of daughter has been protected and defended with great zeal in many cultures. Please note, you are living in Nepal and not somewhere else. Nepali society is still a conservative and closed one, so your dad is behaving like a very typical Nepali father. I doubt he hates you. Stop thinking about just yourself and what you want. It is more imperative you focus on some trust building strategies between Father and Daughter, otherwise you will put your parents and the entire family through an unthinkable ordeal.

Lamabada effect:

I am a 19 and I love a teacher, who is around 27. He always gives importance to a friend of mine and that really hurts. I have tried to commit suicide many times due to this. I don’t think he’d accept me if I purposed. I can neither propose nor do anything. Please help me. — Mad girl

Dear Mad Girl,

The fact that your teacher pays attention to your friend is a probably just a routine thing. School teachers are not supposed to be partial neither are they supposed to encourage dalliances with their students — so you are probably being ultra sensitive. Please remember life is a very precious gift and that you are being obsessive about this teacher. I urge you to see a psychiatrist as you need immediate counselling. It is important you are not alo-ne. Share your emotions wi-th your close friends and family, so that they can understand what you are going through and help you.

Not in love:

I accepted his proposal when I was in Class X and I feel it was more of an enthusiasm to ‘have a boy-friend’. However, I started feeling bad about it. But years went by... then I created a situation and he accepted my request for a break-up. But I think he understood I had created that situation. Not only him, all my friends did. We even meet today at gatherings. Some of my friends feel I betrayed him and I have no answer. I feel bad and even angry. However, I don’t regret breaking up with him. I’m very happy. But I can’t face my ex and also can’t tell the truth to him and my frie-nds. I know they won’t understand. How can I get out of this? — Akanshya

Dear Akanshya,

It’s good to be in love but no fun pretending to be in love, because if you have a conscience, the fact you are faking can weigh you down.This seems to be your case — remember you have made your decision and you are free now. However, when you break up with someone, it is important to do so with sensitivity and finesse, so that there are no untidy emotions dangling to bother you in the future. Is there any way in which you can extend an olive branch of friendship to your ex boyfriend so that this negativity and peer pressure does not hound you? If not, you have to learn to cope with the situation you are in now and move on even if it means making a new set of friends... remember you cannot please the entire world.

To love or not:

I am 17, and when I was 13, I met a guy (my best friend’s brother) who was two years elder to me. We fell in love but did not express our feelings. He joined college and his sister told me he had proposed to a girl. When I heard this, I stopped going to their place. However, when I visited their home after a year-and-half, he told me he loves me and that he felt sorry about what he had done. However, I was so angry I told him I didn’t love him and that he had betrayed me. But he said he would be there for me always. I love him too but we belong to different religions. In such a situation what should I do — tell him the truth about my feelings or what? — Confused Girl

Dear Confused Girl,

If this religion thing is going to be a problem for you, please don’t trouble yourself or this boy. If you can truly surpass the limitations of caste and religion, tell this boy what you feel. Remember it takes two to tango, he should be able to surpass the limitations of caste and religion along with you.

Got any problems regarding your personal life, career or academics and want answers to? Mail Sangeeta Thapa at features@thehimalayantimes.com