Marie Amos

When I was a child, my mother said that in order to have a friend one must first be a friend to others. This adage has proven to be selectively true over the years. With every rule there are exceptions, and one can be a friend to others without receiving friendship in return. As I reflect upon my life, I recognise instances wherein I felt betrayed in relationships because I was expecting the same level of loyalty from others. Unfortunately, not all relationships turn out to be reciprocal, but the lack of loyalty in some doesn’t negate my loyalty towards them and others who return it. The absence of loyalty can be an extremely distressing experience, however, it has taught me a lot about accepting others for who they are. Et tu, brute? Another benefit is that it has also given me compassion towards others whose loyalty expectations have been disappointed. This hasn’t discouraged me from having friends, however.

What comes to your mind when considering loyalty? Is it a patriotic stance towards ones country? Or is it part of the foundation for intimate relationships, like family and romantic partners? Loyalty is an integral part of all of these, and underlies many of our everyday behaviours. What are the things that inspire your loyalty? Would you listen to another parent make fun of your child? Or, if you had the opportunity to take advantage of your neighbour, would you? How often do you shop in the same grocery store instead of trying out another one down the street? Most of us demand loyalty, and it’s synonym fidelity, from our lovers. Loyalty is our willingness to stand up for something beyond ourselves; whether it’s for an ideology, a person, or a place.

Loyalty is a virtue that often goes unlauded. The gossip that goes unspoken, the reputation that remains intact, the back that is free of stab wounds: how easily these small acts are overlooked. It’s much easier to find examples of disloyalty, such as marital infidelities, crooked accounting practices, or an important secret that’s been spilled. The hesitation of our society to trust other people is related to uncertainty about whether or not someone is worthy of our loyalty and affection. Every Cultural Revolution begins with a small group of people choosing a manifesto. Is loyalty going to be a part of yours?