• MIDWAY : Winning ways

Only if...only if I had studied more, I would have passed; only if I’d never fallen in love, I’d never have been heart-broken; only if I had eaten less, I never would have had to worry about that extra fat; only if I was more determined, I could...

If you think along these lines, well, you are not alone. Little wonder, then, that yours truly is equally prone to this ‘only if’ malady. I get up at sunup, my head teeming with ideas. But, as I take to bed at the end of the day, I start ruing about all the missed opportunities during the day, when I could have chosen to do ‘something’ but did not. Why not? Maybe I am a tad lazy. Maybe it’s my skewed mindset that cannot straighten itself out for a meaningful outcome. I don’t know. But I can always say, ever so gleefully and sans a morsel of shame, I ‘am’ like this. Love it or leave it.

This, I label a losers’ attitude. If that makes me one, so be it. But in no circumstance can an individual run out of the choices for the betterment of one’s plight. There is always something,

no matter how inconsequential it might seem at the time, one can do to get over one’s predicament. In many ways, I chose to be who I am today. So why don’t I do anything about it? Doesn’t this make me a hypocrite?

Guess so. But the important thing is that I am willing to change; for I hate the way I am. In the end, everything comes down to will power, I guess. I will ‘cause I refuse to bow down to my circumstances. I realise it will not be easy. One can’t change in a trice what’s been ingrained through the years. Yet try, I will. That’s all I can do. That’s all I expect of myself.

This attitude, in turn, empowers me to look forward to a meaningful future. For I know that it’s in me to shape my future on my own terms. We all do. The caveat is that we should be willing to change. Vow to fight till we can bring about a tangible difference in our lives. Acknowledging that one’s an utter loser is tough. Summoning the courage to change things, more so. One can always pity oneself, but that doesn’t help. Hope does. Hope that springs from the knowledge that we can choose to make a difference in our lives. And by doing so, determine our own fate.