Beauty of the unknown

As I write this, my stress level has considerably increased because every once in a while my mind wanders off to a faraway land, the land of the unknown, the future and all the possibilities that it holds. I am just a regular teenager, soon to graduate high school but with very little idea of what I want to do with life. I am always struck with the endless ‘What If’ possibilities and questions, and I sometimes have the urge to make a quick decision and rush into whatever life holds for me. However, I am unable to do just that because I am indecisive about everything.

My ambitions in life have evolved with age and little experience, and I am still exploring the endless opportunities that life has for me. When I was in the age group 5-10, I wanted to become a teacher. My mind changed soon after and I got more familiar with the world of military, I wanted to join the army. Years later, I discovered the society’s inclination towards Medicine and I wanted to become a doctor. All of these ambitions that I have held in different phases of my life have actually been baseless because I never dug into the reality of all these fields. I was just swept away with the superficial view that they had. I was happy to have an answer to all those, ”What do you want to be when you grow up?” questions that the society imposes on you and never really asked myself whether I was true to all those ambitions I held.

Although I have a very vague idea of what I want to pursue, two years of studying Plus Two Science had made me clear what I don’t want to pursue. I consider this to be an achievement because I at least know myself a little better now and what I do not want in life definitely have a lot to explore, learn and experience before I make any concrete decision but I am happy with all the confusion that I have in my head right now. I don’t want to decide on anything when I am skeptical about it. Before deciding what I want to study, I just want to reflect on it and contemplate whether that would unlock my full potential and bring the best out of me so that I could give back to the society, to the people around and to the world.

As I put down my insecure feeling about not knowing what I want to pursue into words, I feel a lot lighter and in the process, I have less or more realized that it is okay to be confused. All these confusions are an assurance that I am still learning and unlocking my interests, passions and my expectations from the real me.