That was another pattern of mine: To do something I didn’t want to do in order to avoid the unpleasantness of the other person’s disappointment. Finally I decided to put aside my resistance and fulfil my obligation. I suited up, rehearsed my party-smile, and marched forth into the cold November night. Little did I know I was about to have a conversation that would change my life.

After an hour or so I was getting tired of participating in party-chatter. To get out of the fray, I sidled into a quiet den lined with bookshelves. There I found another “escapee” who was browsing books on the shelves, a tall fellow with a shaven head, about sixty years of age. We greeted each other and exchanged names. He said he’d gotten tired of small talk and was taking a breather.

I told him I felt exactly the same way. That’s when the conversation shifted into a new dimension. “Well, since we’re here and we don’t like small talk, let’s not have any,” he said. “Done deal,” I said, thinking our interaction was over. Instead, he said “Then let’s either have some Big Talk.” I took a deep breath and plunged into the unknown. I told him I was up for some Big Talk.

That was another pattern of mine: To do something I didn’t want to do in order to avoid the unpleasantness of the other person’s disappointment or anger. Finally I decided to put aside my resistance and fulfil my obligation. I suited up, rehearsed my party-smile, and marched forth into the cold November night. — Beliefnet.com