Even stopping doing something, like smoking, is really about creating a good new habit, non-smoking. Our brain structure is also why you’ve got to put external reminders in place, at least, in the beginning.

Unless we have a trigger from the outside — a note, an e-mail reminder, a friend who shows up at the door to go to the gym with you — it’s very likely you’ll keep defaulting to the old behaviour because it’s automatic.

That’s also why it’s so important to be willing to start over no matter how often you blow it or get discouraged. Do you keep hoping that a magic fairy will appear to make your dreams come true? That if you just read enough issues of Shape those thunder thighs will disappear? You’re not alone. Most of us are also not concrete enough about what we want and unrealistic about what we can reasonably ask ourselves to learn.

Here’s what a new client of mine said he wanted to learn in three months: “to be less nit picky and fearful; to be more optimistic, to be more responsible and empathetic; to be more creative; to be more productive; to live a healthier life and to take better care of myself.”

“How about creating world peace while you’re at it?” I replied. “And what does ‘more’ mean anyway? Even if it were possible to focus on all of this in that time frame, how will you know if you are more of any of these things?” As this client so touchingly demonstrated, we expect too much of ourselves and we expect to change overnight. — Beliefnet.com