Fixing the past

Photo: Ratna Sagar Shrestha/THT
If only I had a chance to change anything about my past, I would have changed myself into a strong girl — strong enough to say things to people’s face, be it good or bad. I used to keep my feelings to myself because of my shyness or the fear that I might hurt others. Had I been strong enough to fight for myself then, I would not have been misunderstood and ignored. I have finally learned to love myself and this habit is not going anywhere from me now on. The only thing I regret is that I have been misunderstood and hated when the fault was not even mine. — Sunita Shakya, Lalitpur Based on my experiences I agree that “Life isn’t fair but it’s still beautiful”. All of us hope and desire for good things but sometimes it doesn’t work like we hope for. Looking into my life, all I want to change is my attitude. I believe that if attitude is right, then any struggles and hardships in life become blessings. Every failure becomes a stepping stone and every mistake becomes a lesson to learn in life. Therefore, with positive attitude nothing can defeat me to come out with flying colours in my life — past, present and future. — Dreamtwriter, Kalimpong If I were to change one of my past things, I would like to change my rude nature and jealous behaviour in order to make people realise about my bravery and honesty. Moreover, I wish to take steps in my life as per my wish and interest without hurting the sentiments of my parents and friends. — V-sal xetri,Tansen -7,Kailashnagar, Palpa I would want to change my decision to choose the subjects in my higher studies. If I had enrolled in arts faculty, then I would have completed my Bachelor’s degree in any of the fields I prefer — journalism, psychology et cetera. This would inspire me to explore in the field of my interest instead of being doomed by studying Maths and Science subjects in Bachelor’s level (BSc). — Sanjog Karki,Tansen-6, Basantapur,Palpa When it comes to changing anything related to my past, I would want to change my habit of going to bed late at night, and waking up late in the morning. Although I’m not a student anymore, I still want to sleep early at night and wake up early in the morning. It is not happening right now because I am unable to get rid of this bad habit of mine. Such habits — good or bad — are developed by us. But effort should be made only in developing good habits instead of bad ones because the former leads us to success in our life. —Pratik Shrestha, Buddhanagar, Baneshwor If I get a chance to change one thing about my past, I want to change my fate. Doing thing I would be able to change the subject of my choice in my higher studies. I wanted to be an air hostess but now I am a commerce student. I am not satisfied with my choice of subject that I am pursing now. Being an air hostess is my childhood dream. So, a chance to change my past would be a big opportunity for me to change my mistake. If I were to become air hostess, my childhood dream would come true, my parents would be proud of me and my status would be good — it would be a big achievement for me. Due to my wrong decision, I am unhappy now. I can’t become an air hostess now. — Jasmin Khanal, Chabahil, Kathmandu I got a chance to meet a girl through our mutual friend. With time we became close. I was grateful for her company. Because of the way she communicated, I was convinced that this girl will never lie to me. So, I couldn’t resist myself from caring for her and started doing everything I could to fulfil her wish. I fell in love. She had said she was single and so I proposed to her. She rejected me saying that she was happy being single, and want to stay the same. Because I cared for her happiness, I respected her decision. I embraced rejection and it didn’t hurt me. But recently I came to know that she is in relationship for the last four years. The image that I had of her shattered like a broken glass. The one whom I trusted the most had lied to me from the beginning. It changed my perception of her and this change hurts. So, if I could change anything in my world from past, I wish to make a world where everybody would always care and respect others’ emotion. — Umesh Pokharel, Jorpati If it was possible to go back in one’s life and delete some unwanted and unacceptable sections of his/her past, it would be superb. If I ever get an opportunity to change something from the past; then I would like to change my schooling and academic path that I followed. It is quite unfortunate that most of the important decisions regarding career and life that we take in developing countries are heavily influenced by parents and immediate family members. We are not allowed to think and act independently. As a consequence I was unable to pursue the dream career path that I loved to follow. Instead I moved to become an academic. If I could go back and change my life I would love to train myself to become a professional author. Parents usually do not encourage their children to follow uncertain career path like becoming an author. But I believe that not following the dream that I cherished so deeply in my heart only restricted me to express fully in due course of time. I have always felt something missing in life. — Saikat Kumar Basu, Apt 6-409, 43 Street South, Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4B3 I don’t want to change anything that has happened in my past. It is because what happened in the past had already happened and I don’t think changing anything will affect anything in the present and future. I would not want to waste any time thinking about the past event that I want to change, and think about its consequences in the present and future. What I want to do in this upcoming New Year is to learn from my past and make my present and future as I want it to be. — Yashu Shrestha This year I just finished my +2. I had plans to go to the US for further studies but unfortunately I could not proceed for it due to some reasons. Now, I have a year gap and I regret too much. I wish I could change my decision of trying for the US visa so that I would already be enrolling in the subject I am interested in without a year gap. — Sadikshya Rijal Even if I were given a chance to change something of my past, there is absolutely nothing I would want to change. The lessons I have learnt, the experiences I have gained, and the situations I have been through till now are way too precious. — Anonymous New Year comes and goes. Every new year, we decide to do better and right things. And if I am given a chance to correct my mistake in this New Year, then it would be the day I studied through late night for my examination, and the result was a migraine for me. From that day, I have been suffering from migraine. Whenever I take stress, somehow it affects my studies negatively. — Sangita Mijar, Nepal Commerce Campus, Minbhawan A new year brings enthusiasm and energy to every individual’s life. People to some extent want to improve on their past habits or doings with a positive outlook. I am eagerly looking forward for the upcoming year 2073 and what it has to offer me in my life. And if I were given a chance to change one thing of my past, it would definitely be the thing which I regret till today — a habit of over thinking, in fact a negative thinking. I suddenly go deep into my own imaginations and build a negative justification towards it — every time only ‘NO’ would settle in my mind. So, I would love to change this habit to start a life with a positive thinking in the upcoming year 2073. — Sital Gautam, Naya Thimi, Bhaktapur During my childhood, I awarded greater stress on moral values and the world that was beyond textbooks. Never did I participate in a rat race to gain high rank in class by immersing myself in textbooks. Rather my ambition in life was to secure any job through honest means which would fetch bread and fish just like any middle-class family. As a result, I have only reached a mediocre height in academics and career. In the meantime, there is a drastic change in the lifestyle of society. Individuals, who were careerist and earned high degrees have been flooded with new money. Almost the whole erstwhile middle class have got promoted to rich status. Costly cars, high-end villas, air travel, foreign tours — all norms of luxury are easily accessible to this ‘successful’ lot, thereby witnessing an ever-increasing class barrier. Yes, the ‘unsuccessful’ in me have not only missed the bus, but also get treated as ‘pariah’ in this consumerist society. Moreover basic necessities like health and education have got so much commercialised that I feel extreme tension about my family’s future. Often I try to start a new life with positivity and renewed energy; but within a few days I end up in supreme depression as the hard reality of social inequality and money crunch simply knock out my confidence. And my ‘foolish’ past of remaining indifferent to career and studies haunt me in each and every step. — Anonymous Because of my carelessness, I have faced lots of downfalls in my life in the past. From now on I will have cushion against people who I work around with so that no one can take advantages of my carelessness. Starting from the coming New Year, I will carefully take steps. From my past experiences, I have learnt to be more careful than ever or not to be careless at all. I want every moment to be full of life in the coming days. — Pratibha Bhandari It is mere stupidity to expect a chance to go back in time and change things we wish we hadn’t done but it is amusing to ponder how different present would be if we had not made all those adverse decisions we now regret. It is indeed a bitter truth that all of our dreams don’t turn out as per our wish and it is so largely because we set goals as we are emotionally driven, and completely forget to check reality. However, if I were given a chance to change one thing in past, I would change my attitude towards my studies and my college where I enrolled for bachelors degree. I strongly believe that this act would have changed the entire course of my life for good. — Anusha Karki, Bafal, Kathmandu A step in the present defines our future and is certainly a product and result of what we had done in the past. A wrong foot in the present, would result a devastating future, and is the result of the event in the past. Everyone wishes to relive the past, through time travel or any means, to have his/her mistakes redone. If I were given a chance to redo an event of my past, I would have given a hand to my 89-year-old grandmother — desperate for love, care and affection from her grandson, in the last stage of her life. Far in a village of Saptari district, she knelt down just for a sip of love and waited for a helping hand from her grandson. If I were given the opportunity in the long gap of holidays after the devastation, I would have given anything just for a nap of rest on her laps, to relive my childhood. For moment like this, I would time travel and relive moments with my grandmother. — Anonymous I still remember the day of my college — I had a huge crush on a guy whose words attracted me and he was not any prince charming. At the fourth semester, we started talking which included late night chatting. He never directly proposed to me but our love was going smoothly. Nobody had any clue about our relationship. During a tour with friends, he was getting romantic and even tried to kiss me, but I backed out. After the tour, he stopped talking to me and behaved like an enemy. I think he was interested in me physically or there was misunderstanding between us. That’s why if I were given a chance to change one thing of my past in the New Year 2073, it would be to get him back and ask reasons why he has gone far from me. — Anonymous Now I’m waiting for my BBS Ist Year results and I already know that it’s not going to be good. I regret taking my examinations not seriously. I used to go to the examination hall and leave the hall before the second bell. I wish now to be in that examination hall and stay there until the final bell — and take exams seriously. — Patrick, Khowpa Of course, our past somehow shapes our present and future as well. When it comes to my past there are so many things I would like to change which would probably make me better and successful today. But I am not sure whether it would make me successful or not, because nothing is certain in life. So, I no more regret my past and don’t want to change it as well — whoever I am today is because of the past. Of course it was full of pain and unsuccessful stories but it was something that will encourage me for the rest of my life. — Kes Bahadur Pun, Simpani, Pokhara Out of many things I wish to change, I would want to change the day of my undergraduate admission. I would have rather admitted to Arts and Literature. The power of literature is profound. Reading the rhetoric writings of Agatha Christie or Sidney Sheldon makes me creative. The descriptions of characters, setting of scene and monologue or dialogue of characters are intriguing. I wish I could write a novel. Nevertheless, I have improved my writing over the past few years with my passion for reading and writing. — Narayan Regmi, Syangja Two questions that used to disturb me are — ‘Is everything predestined?’ and ‘Why does evil exist?’ I got different answers from books and people but not a single one could satisfy me. At last, I found answers to the questions in the books of Sri Aurobindo and The Mother in 2007. They not only satisfied me but also gave me an opportunity to start a journey of becoming a better human being. If I get the opportunity to change one thing in my life then I will change the timing of the 2007 incident and make it happen in 1987 to get 20 more years of enrichment, nourishment and enjoyment. — Sujit De, Kolkata, West Bengal, India I met her in college. Within short period of time, we became very close to each other. And I fell in love with her. On February 14, 2014, I proposed to her to be my life-partner through a mobile-message. Unlucky me; she didn’t have the same feeling for me. She said that I was her best friend. Then, I tried many times to win her heart but all in vain. She kept on saying that I was simply her friend and a well-wisher. For the last several months, I haven’t talked to her. But I can’t stop thinking about her. Neither I can share my feelings with any of my friends nor can I focus on my studies and work properly. Now I wish either I had not met her in first place or I had not been so deep in love with her. So, if I could change, I wish that I had not met her in my life ever. I want to focus on my studies and upgrade my working position. Overall I want peace deep inside me. — Suman T If I was given a chance to amend just one thing of my past, it would be to continue working part-time for the then general secretary of Congress (I) in Delhi, India. During my student days I worked for him during the summer break as a personal steno-typist. I not only had to take dictation, transcribe and type letters but also had to deliver them in the 45 degree Celsius heat. Those days, you had to jump in and out of the moving crowded DTC buses and at times travel stuck like a spiderman balancing precariously with one leg at the door. My boss was a very kind man who would call me ‘my’ son. Something happened and I quit abruptly. — Manohar Shrestha, Kathmandu Strolling down the lanes of memories, we always have something or the other that we wish to change. It’s a natural human tendency to do things that we want and still never be satisfied. My list goes too long but if I were to choose only one, it would definitely be the earthquake of April 25, 2015 of Nepal. No amount of words can express the feelings we’ve gone through, during those times when our world fell apart in front of our eyes, when every soul cried for help, when the time stood still as those massive structures came crashing down, as our little sweet homes turned into nothing. Given a chance, I would like to delete that day from the history forever. The traumatising fear and sheer pain is something I wish, had never scarred our hearts. I wish the next morning I went for work, I could see the Dharahara tower standing still with full pride. — Mississippi