I don’t want to be your friend

From the first time I talked to you, I developed special feelings for you. I never knew those feelings existed in me, that my heart could race so fast while talking to you; that I could be worried by your worries and that I could plan special things for you.

I never knew I was capable of loving someone until I met you. I felt like I could conquer the world for you if only conquering the world would make you mine. From the moment you came into my life, I have given my heart and my soul to you.

I was scared to let you know my feelings at first. I used to keep those feelings to myself. I still remember those times when I would remember the things you said to me and laugh alone to myself; when though I would be in a room, my brain and my mind would be with you and the things you said.

It still happens to me sometimes when I get to see you and talk to you. After I meet you, I would always have your hangover for days, sometimes even weeks!

As I was scared to tell you my feelings lest you stop talking to me, I became your friend. I listened to all your worries, cared for you and loved you with all my heart.

You thought I was a good friend, but you never could see through me, see my heart longing for you.

I knew all the while that you never loved me, that for you I was always your best friend. You would remember me only when you felt lonely.

In the past, I used to be happy to just be there for you. I would express my love and not expect love in return. That was fine for a while, but it is not fine anymore. I am tired of being your friend, tired of being treated like one, too.

I am tired of seeing you giving attention to something else than me and tired of pretending that it is okay to ignore me. Call me selfish if you will, but I am tired of not getting the love that I deserve.

I am tired of listening to you whine about how cold it is now when I would be in T-shirts just so I could look nice to you. I am tired of hearing you complain about how lonely you feel sometimes when I am always there for you.

I want you to know that it is easier to gain than to lose. I am not afraid of losing you anymore. Yes, I don’t want to be your friend anymore.