Marry for happiness, not to show off

I prefer totally dowry-free, mass community marriages involving the brides and grooms, their families, relatives, friends and guests on one big platform. This will make sure that marriages are properly and legally registered with certificates of marriage issued the same day in the presence of a local magistrate. Payment and acceptance of dowry is completely removed from this sacred socio-cultural practice as well as save a huge amount money for all families involved. The money saved could be easily used by the brides and grooms to start their conjugal life in a much better, economically secure and stress-free environment. Such practices should be promoted by the local administration across all nations throughout the subcontinent to remove the pain and prejudices associated with marriages in addition to the joy and satisfaction of starting a new life.

— Saikat Kumar Basu, Lethbridge, Canada

Recently I got married to a girl. We had a simple marriage without inviting my colleagues or having great party. Though my relatives and friends had expected a lot to enjoy, it was just the opposite. I chose a simple wedding to be free from economic burden. A newly married couple cannot enjoy the present due to their wedding ceremony if they do not think seriously. So, it is wise not to organise a grand wedding ceremony. Instead save the money that would otherwise be spent on the wedding, plan and coordinate with you life partner and use the money for social work, or for your better future. Get married in such a way that you can enjoy your future freely.

— Bibas Jung Thapa, Hetaunda

Marriage is a tie that binds two persons who share sorrow and happiness together for the rest of their lives. Therefore, showing off and pleasing the relatives and friends during marriage do not have importance for me. Marriage is a way of sharing responsibilities between husband and wife. If there is a greater understanding between the two then the life will run easily in future. However, the rituals, like making commitment before the God, make the wedding function alive. So, instead of having feast for many, it better to wed in the presence of family members of bride and groom. And, based on their respective religious beliefs, rituals can be completed in temple, church, or any other venue.

Moreover, we can’t please friends or relatives by organising feasts. Some of them are always ready to criticise. If we can’t bear expense of such events, it is better not to opt for it as it will only create financial problem after marriage. Instead, one can donate to the needy and organise a simple function without wasting huge amount of money. That’s an example of simple living high thinking.

— SeroFeroTVprogram

For me, marriage means annoying one special person for rest of our life. I am thinking of marrying a guy who needs me all the time and is able to spend a quality of time listening to my boring gossips. And the people who will be present in my marriage ceremony include — my family, friends, the guy and his family members. I am thinking of avoiding those wedding rituals that might create economic burden to my family. Thus, my marriage won’t be as per the norms but it will let other people enjoy the ceremony.

— Prakriti Ghimire, Masbar, Pokhara-7

For many marriage is the sacred and indissoluble bond joining two individuals for life who pursue duty, physical desires and ultimate spiritual release together. For me it is just sanctioned union  of two souls socially and legally. I also have some dreams related to my matrimony — I love to have short and quiet wedlock with the involvement of my family, elders, relatives and close friends. I have never dreamt of marriage without the consent of my parents, so my marriage might be an arranged marriage for others, but it will be love marriage for me. This is because without love there is no sustainable relationship.

— Deepa Adhikari, Baidam-6, Pokhara

I prefer wedding to be a private function between families of the bride and groom. It should not be extended to a number of days, rather be limited to a short and quiet ceremony where the bride and the groom get to know each other’s family members well, keeping in mind some other day would be a grand feasting day. On the very wedding day some religious and traditional rituals must take place which help the nuptial and the spiritual bond between the two souls grow stronger. The couple may throw parties to their near and dear friends and families only after knowing them better, which they can do by visiting together to everyone’s place within few weeks’ time and giving away invitation for the party. Only then will the married couple be able to share love and commitment with everyone around them. I have attended many wedding ceremonies and parties the very next day or a day ahead of the wedding and congratulated the bride or groom with a beautiful smile and a bouquet. But then I remember very few of them could recognise me when we met later. So, there is no point in giving reception party to friends and families right after the ceremony until the new bride or groom know their guests well.

— Deepak Shrestha, Nakhipot, Lalitpur-14

Marriage is one of the most important rituals in Nepali society. Such ceremonies are often organised to please the guests and for prestige rather than according to one’s ability. Most of the time we make wedding ceremony an extravagant affair, as there is unhealthy competition of showing off. But it also brings together two different families, further strengthening unity in the community. It is also an occasion to meet those relatives who we do not know. Once I attended the nearly month-long wedding ceremony of one of my relatives. They were very keen on showing off people about their family tradition, of visiting all the relatives by newly married bride and groom with gifts. However, families should realise that sometimes their tradition has negative  impact in newly married couple as they have to sacrifice their valuable time. Instead of making it lengthy, it should be time and economy friendly so that societal phenomenon of preserving culture lasts longer.

— Susmita Thapa

People don’t marry everyday. Normally marriage is a decision that one makes only for once in his/her lifetime. That is why everyone wants their wedding to be the most special occasion of their life.  And I want my wedding to be a grand ceremony. Engagement, wedding, reception , I want everything to be perfect. With the consent of my parents and in the presence of all my relatives and friends, I wish to marry the love of my life, make commitments of togetherness. I want everyone to enjoy the wedding and bless me for the happiest conjugal life. Loud music, beautiful dresses, delicious food, fun and laughter would certainly make the occasion worth cherishing until I can smile showing my half emptied jaws.

— Suvechha Dahal

A wedding ceremony not only brings together a couple for life, it connects two souls who share love and respect, fulfil promises they made with one another, support and motivate each other during any problem. And to create such a bond with my life partner, I would want a simple and short ceremony rather than an elaborate one.

— Mukesh Kumar Fauzdar

I prefer a simple wedding ceremony with few guests and few charming things. In my opinion, whether a wedding is simple or elaborated, it ultimately unites two souls. So, instead of an elaborate celebration, the promises made at the time of marriage should be fulfilled for happy married life.

— Manish

Wedding, being a social tradition, should be continued as it has been practised. But the unwanted expenses should be cut-off. It not just unites two people but families along with their responsibilities. So, in near future I would like to celebrate this function as per our tradition.

— Yashmine

It would be a lie if I say I want a short and quiet ceremony in my wedding. We have all grown up watching movies where the weddings are so grand with rituals and feasts lasting for months. I mean who wouldn’t want that? It has been a trend of showing off and squandering money in marriage. But for what? Does the elaborate marriage ceremony ascertain the lifelong togetherness of the couple? Or does the short marriage risk your marriage life? My mum was unaware till noon that she had her wedding in the evening. That is the briefest marriage I have heard about and now after 25 years of marriage they are still happy and together. The bond of marriage is nourished by love, respect and commitment between couples, acceptance of other family as own and embracing their flaws. These values matter to me and when I think deep beyond my fascination I too shall go for a short marriage. I would rather donate the excess money to old age home because I don’t think any gift can count higher than the blessings of elderly people when you are entering a new life. I believe in creating trends than following one.

— rose933

We are living in an increasingly materialistic society where ostentatious display of wealth and status is rampant. Wedding is no exception these days. I have witnessed lavish wedding ceremonies catering to a thousand guests with buffet dinner. Being a modest person who values austerity, I would prefer traditional wedding attended only by my nearest and dearest. I would imagine my aunt’s laughter, little children playing around in merriment, young girls and boys flirting, old uncles and grand parents nostalgically talking about the good old days and so on. Such a family oriented wedding is always cosy and memorable.

— Nerinav

Wedding ceremony is one of the special days for bride and groom. On this special occasion I want to invite all relatives and friends though it takes a number of days and everyone is just occupied — because wedding is not only about bride and groom, it is also about the happiness of their parents and relatives. Every parent and relative wants to share their happiness with their children in their marriage ceremony. All the rituals and feasts are a part of happiness for bride, groom and their guardians. So, I want to share my wedding ceremony with my parents and number of relatives.

— deepakharel1234

Wedding takes place only once in normal context. That’s why I believe it should be much interesting and elaborated. Actually, marriage doesn’t have any mere definition but however it be, it shouldn’t be abyss of problems but bond of feelings, love, understanding and attachment among families. Everyone wants his/her wedding to be the moment to share excitement and involve others in own happy time. This is possible only when it is somehow grand, and elaborate doesn’t only mean extravagant one. I want my marriage blessed with Aama Samuha’s Ratauli but not D — a feeling oriented marriage not prioritising money. The photos of wedding in future will make us remember the time we enjoyed a lot, excitements and hope of our parents.

— Prayash Paudel , Pokhara 

I had a normal wedding ceremony a year ago, as per Nepali culture and tradition, that included lots of rituals and formalities. I always wanted to enjoy my wedding as it comes once in life but I had a mixed feeling then. I happened to enjoy less of my wedding because it was a time to leave my parents’ home. Similarly, I could do nothing to stop my parents from following the dowry and gifting my in-laws as they dreamt of normal wedding ceremony for their daughter. And they were happy indeed.

— Bidhya Khatiwada, Nakhipot, Lalitpur

I wish to marry someone who understands me, loves me immensely without any condition, accepts me the way I am, and is compatible with me. I wish to get married in a traditional way, with slight modern touch. Traditional in the sense that I want my wedding rituals to take place during night time rather than in the day as my parents got married in that way. As far as modern touch is concerned I want all functions — mehendi, sangeet, pre-wedding photo shoots, reception and so on — to happen during my wedding to make it a memorable one. But I want to do all these things in a simple way.

— Tejaswi Pahari, Jawalakhel, Lalitpur

Wedding ceremony is a precious part of our life. Everyone wants to make their wedding ceremony a memorable one. Wedding ceremony has its own cultural value as it is believed to strengthen the bond between partners and help in the continuation of our culture. However, continuing or preserving our culture does not mean that we have to conduct ceremonies beyond our capacities, only for showing off or for others’ satisfaction. It  should be done according to the understanding of partners and their families, capturing their beautiful moments as they want — be it the short or elaborate ceremony. But I would prefer short wedding ceremony in the presence of people who I admire.

— Sarika, Anamnagar, Kathmandu

I prefer a simple marriage where 10 people from bride’s side and 10 from groom’s side will attend and make it limited. The amount that is spent uselessly making wedding ceremony lavish can be spent on attaining quality education by the two partners — education will not only shape their future but it will also remain with them forever.

— Alence Poudel, New Baneshwor, Kathmandu

I will opt for a short and quiet marriage ceremony. I’ll not let my parents spend unnecessarily for my marriage, instead I’ll save that money for future. Similarly, I’ll not accept dowry. We all should know that to bring changes in our society, we should first change ourselves.

— Roshan Shrestha, Pharping, Kathmandu

Wedding ceremony is not only for uniting bride and groom, it is also for families and society. So, I prefer elaborate wedding as we get a chance to meet relatives, friends in one place and share our feelings and experiences with them. We can enjoy a lot. In elaborate ceremonies, more gifts are offered to the bride and groom by invitees. Also, I love tasty foods, singing and dancing during such occasions. While everyone can enjoy in wedding, it also creates a good memory for future.

— Prabuddha Kandel, Shankhamul, Kathmandu

I had a short and quiet wedding, befitting my social and economic status. I could have gone slightly overboard, pompous for the time, but decided to stick to a simple wedding in consideration for and deference to neighbours and other relatives. Also, there is no limit to how much you can spend on a wedding ceremony and reception as a South Indian G Janardhana Reddy has exhibited recently by spending over Rs 7.6 billion at a time when other simpletons were hanging themselves for being unable to withdraw Rs 250,000 from their accounts. Subroto Roy, who is in Tihar jail, for cheating ordinary investors out of billions of dollars in a networking scam, similar to our Unity, reportedly spent over INRs 5 billion on his children’s marriage in 2004. Marriage, birthdays, rice feeding, coming of age ceremonies are highly private family affairs and it is better to stick to short and quiet celebrations.

— Manohar Shrestha , Kathmandu

My wedding ceremony was a very short and simple event. However it was the most memorable and romantic events I ever have had in my life, with relatives and some of my closed colleagues.

— Bal Krishna Niroula, Balkot

I will celebrate my wedding at my house. I will wear a red sari. I will have different food items at the feast. Since I do not know how to marry, I will watch my aunt’s wedding in Magh. I will learn from it. I will invite my best friends, cousin, and relatives. I want to have the wedding of the dreams. I won’t marry a bad boy. I will marry a nice boy who will care for me.

— Anshu, Third grader

I prefer a short and quiet wedding rather than an elaborate one because these wedding practices have stripped away the essence of marriage. Instead of helping to create a steady foundation of a happy relationship throughout our marriage, we focus our energies on the weak standard of weddings. Since marriage is the grand ceremony, people spend a lot of money to make it memorable. However I have seen many people spending a big amount of money by taking loan even though they cannot afford. Consequently their family has to face the problem after it. So, if we have small wedding, it will be significantly cheaper because there are fewer people to attend, and it might be affordable. Moreover, small wedding tends to be

more intimate.

— Indira Gurmachhan Magar, Imadol,Lalitpur

I would not give emphasis to the marriage ceremony that is celebrated for longer days. I recently attended a marriage function which is exemplary because of combined party organised by the groom and bride. This marriage ceremony is different in a way that they didn’t have many parties. As for me, I would go for a paper marriage followed by simple marriage function in the temples and party in my own home.

— Nirmal Aryal, Jitpurfedi, Kathmandu

Wedding ceremony must have rituals, feast and guest satisfaction hence guest satisfaction should not be hypocrite. Guests should be satisfied with honour, respect, hospitality and intimacy, not by gift and feast. I have done elaborate wedding. I think wedding rituals in Nepal and India are very scientific, logistic, social and religious. The rituals are not gender biased. From rituals like swayambar to dulahi anmaune, all give priority to equality of both bride and bridegroom. Saat fera ritual in which groom walks behind the bride indicates superiority of woman and promises made by the groom during the wedding are significant ones. I think the rituals performed during wedding make the couple feel that they are engaged in a special way and on a very special day so that they should be loyal to each other.

— Deepa Koirala Thapa, Dhapasi, Kathmandu

As a common man of this country, I do not like expensive wedding ceremony. I would choose short-and-sweet wedding ceremony, which is done according to my family’s economic status, rather than showing off. I feel so shameful when I see those costly weddings in my hometown.

— Saroj Wagle, Dumarwana, 04, Bara

If I were in dreamland, I would dream of a grand celebration. Realistically, I would prefer marriage ceremony performing all the religious rituals lasting for short period of time as it adds more significance to me with the support and blessing from our parents and elders.

— Ghanu Kafle

I like those marriages in which everyone — bride, groom, family and all relatives — are happy and enjoy the ceremony happily. It doesn’t matter what type of wedding it is. Rather it is important that the couple are allowed  to decide whether they are ready for getting married or not. In marriage, both bride and groom should be free to choose his/her life partner because marriage is done for once.

— Mandeep Sagar, Jeetpur

Marriage has always been a sacred affair since ages, not only involving bride and groom, but their families and the well wishers alike. However, I do hate to say that whatever happens in the name of marriage is totally overrated. For instance, the bride and her full blown make up from a fancy parlour (which charges you tons of bucks for looking oh-so-pretty), the bride’s voluptuous lehenga (embroidered and too expensive) and too heavy to put her feet above the ground, and the pictures with every freaking pose you would ever be wanna be featured with! Well, nothing of the above is wrong, but why overdo! And, if I ever got married, it would be a sacred one, with family members and friends who’ve stood by me through thick and thin, and not endless visitors who hardly care anything about me or my groom! And, in the end, everything else will be forgotten in years to come!

— Prasupti Salina, Thapathali

A wedding has to be quiet and peaceful instead of being a crowded or an elaborate ceremony. I will also think, plan and decide about making my wedding quiet and peaceful. I really don’t like too many people hovering around when there is a wedding ceremony. A marriage party of two of my old school friends went well because they invited many such people with whom they were connected. But I simply am not of that kind because I really don’t want to make my wedding a mess after all. Every place in this earth has to remain peaceful and quiet for a long time no matter what it takes. Besides it’s also about utilising money in a real sense.

— Pratik Shrestha, Buddhanagar, Baneshwor 

I wish to observe entire ceremony of a wedding — from the very beginning to the end, the story which the couples hold, the story to hold them together for life. Wedding doesn’t mean just a simple thing to me. It is a matter of choosing your soul partner, who will always stand for you. Lots of parents may have thought for the arranged marriage for their children. The whole life of yours was spent by staying away from the strangers and suddenly you are forced to spend your entire lifetime with a person you never met before. I think that people must take right decision for their marital bond. Though there is the system of divorce, which may satisfy the law but it can never satisfy the relation. In conclusion, marriage is not a joke made in hurry instead we should make the correct decisions for ourselves.

— Spandan, Pokhara