MIDWAY : Abnormal, am I?

Prerana Marasini

I love to call myself a misanthrope, as I believe I am. What I do most of the time is evaluate myself but on pragmatic grounds. I do not look before I leap, but I tend to analyse a little prior to any move that I make. Acquainted to many, I see flaws in everyone not excluding myself. Human nature, as we call it is filled with emotions such as jealousy, fear, anger, hatred, and even the four-lettered word called love. I look for the synonyms that would suit my nature. Found are many, precise is none. Never have I seen anyone possessing the same characteristics or nature similar to mine. Someone once comforted me by saying, “Why do you think you’re ordinary? You are extraordinary.” True. Everybody is extraordinary and I am no exception.

But I’m a misanthrope when I get the reflection of the real me. Due to my snobbish attitude, I don’t approve others. Those who are worth some praise, I laud them. Those who are not, I just don’t care. I don’t and I won’t deny that I have a lot of imperfections. I am not a whiz kid you know, nor am I a special creature for whom god spared some precious hours to create. There are times when I try to be amiable, ending up being an irascible. But I have seen a few things in me, which are nowhere to be found in others. I am not boasting off or bragging myself. But really, some things that I see in myself make me proud, making me somewhat complacent. I am strong, I don’t care for criticism, and I am not easily hurt. Someone can even consider me as a selfish bitch. So what? Aren’t you selfish? Who is not, by the way? Also, I have a dual nature, the peculiar characteristic of a Gemini. I am not as you’ve seen me. Both good and evil reside in me. I can be as good and as nurturing as god and as violent and aggressive as a devil. But I know how to treat people. I know how to support or praise them and how to ill-treat, avoid, or disrespect them.

The blend of different natures that make me up tell me that I am a misanthrope, one who does not like others. The uniqueness that distinguishes one from others is the definition of personality. So, what kind of personality do I possess? Confused, as always I am; can’t find the right answer. Surrounded by so many complications in life, some thoughts devour my harmony and then I feel inferior. Pessimism and illusions keep crossing my mind every minute and I become despondent. It takes some time for me to get rid of this mire of melancholy. And when this period finally terminates, I find myself the same. No changes. Still, a misanthrope.