Uday Lama

I try to accommodate myself even if the situation does not warrant it. My feelings, emotions and aspirations matter to me and from which I cannot distance myself. These give due credence to whatever I happen to be doing at the moment.

I have faced the ups and downs and there have been no experience like it. Some days have been regular and monotonous while the rest have been charged with an adrenalin high. Not that I have experienced the life of a recluse or one in the fast lane. Accommodating as a way of life means that there are no short cuts. The inner voice persists in spite of the noise and clamour. Nothing can drown this still, small voice and I would not have it otherwise but lay claims to an insistent force. There is no let-up to what has become an integral part of my existence.

Far be it for me to conceal the truth because that would imply a certain meanness. It would leave me cold to whatever there still is and force me to accept its fallout. A measure of my worth to what I can look up to. Life has not been easy as far as I can remember. My upbringing, education and maturity into adulthood has been one long chapter. Even as I foresee that the coming days will be fraught with the forgotten lines of a script gone awry. Somehow in the process of making it the odds have been adding up without a break.

Whatever I do right now aids and abets me due to its direct bearing on my present. A fact which holds a grain of truth as far as it’s concerned. The possibility of endless tomorrows fills me with dread as there is no encompassing it. The future may beckon but there is no complacency on my part. Just a fear that in the absence of plans there will be panic and disorder. I hope and pray that nothing amiss will tear apart the fabrics of a life which I have come to know and cherish.

In short I am alone with my wits and whatever bravado I can still muster. As it is I am free to decide and acknowledge a life lived and accept the outcomes. The choice is mine to see to it that the vaunted self does not run amok and that somehow I have succeeded in accommodating myself. That is, I must have a moment to myself in the midst of this chaotic life — quietness, peace and tranquillity to which I can look forward to from time to time.