MIDWAY: Cool and reserved
I am cool and reserved and not the first to make an overture. Being cool means that there is no outburst of emotions and I conduct myself in a manner befitting the occasion. On a chance meeting I respond with a ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ or a handshake. These reflects on my lifestyle. A fact that has a bearing upon the whys and whereofs of relationships. I do not understand why I have to nod and acquiesce without so much as a word put in for form’s sake. And the whereofs places a lid on my feelings.
These traits serves me whenever I decide to put on a deadpan expression. Giving in without a word is my forte and gives rise to an awkward, embarrassing situation. This is because I do not wish an issue to be blown out of proportion. And the way things have of turning out means a pay-off. Rarely have I been taken in an off-hand manner. I am not trapped by my demeanor for I can withdraw into a shell. Any pointer in this direction stands out like a sore thumb and I become incommunicado.
Seldom do I give vent to my feelings even if the moment warrants it. Whatever seems to swing my mood are done away with. I understand this but there is no going back on my patterns of behaviour. Slips-ups are kept to a minimum and are duly corrected. Whatever is left unspoken is given short notice because I do not want to indulge myself. I hesitate to make an approach and I do so only after an exchange has been made. And the only way out seems to be to avoid an encounter.
The trick is not to dwell on my misgivings and make the best of a bad job. In this way I strike an emotive cord only when I feel like it. At least I do not have to answer to a higher authority who may not look too kindly upon my judgment. This is not a reservation. Only I know how far I can go. Usually I do not have to bear the brunt of a rejection. For I sort out anything that perturbs me. I must confess I am only myself when ‘cool and reserved.’
Not to do so would be to disturb my equilibrium which I cannot allow to happen at any cost. Therefore, when in company, I make only a token contribution because confusion reigns so I am at a loss for words.
And to cut my misery short make a beeline for the nearest exit.