Uday Lama

At times I become ‘edgy and nervous’ for no reason at all. It may be due to a highly strung nature though I do not profess to having one. Or it may be because of the tension within over which I have no control. An analysis should help but I do not take myself to task. I must confess being on edge leads to self awareness. If my senses were not tuned in then I would not be aware of my surroundings. In any case there is less likelihood of a problem from becoming a crisis and I can carry on with my daily chores. On the other hand a nervous disposition has its drawback. Because energy is required to sustain all the bodily activities. If it is not forthcoming it leads to dissipation. Only as an observer can I affirm it and draw a conclusion without being waylaid in the process. Being edgy and nervous has to do with leading a certain lifestyle. And here it behoves me to regard the manner in which I have become used to it. When I am nervous I send out feelers and act according to the feedback received. Thus nervousness as a trait serves me well.

Usually I respond in a knee-jerk fashion because of the way in which the situation has presented itself. It could be a provocation, criticism, plain irritation or something similar. I tend to simmer, cool down and take stock of the situation failing which there is nought to do but think about it till I am blue in the face. But the twitching of the nerves me-ans that there is something wrong with my response and I had better correct it. This makes for a whole lot of sense and I try to come to grips with the logic behind it. While this may not work wonders at least my effort will have paid off. On no account should I stay idle but busy myself in seeking solace of a kind. And it slowly dawns upon me that its not all that bad. For one reason or the other I have taken a wholly negative attitude to my nervous existence. It is simple and easy to reject this notion but difficult to comprehend it. Being a rational person means that I am not alone in sorting out what drives my edgy self. But I can rest assured in the midst of a contemplation: Life engendering proc-esses such as being edgy and nervous are a manifestation of existence. This allows at the end for death and decay which partakes of the seeming mysteries of nature.