Chandni Khadka

My cousin sister recently made a strange inquiry. Strange, because she is the first one who put the question so bluntly and also because it made me ponder over a certain facet of life. “Diju, have you started receiving marriage proposals,” she asked. My cou-ntenance must have posted surprise; she hastily went on with her explanation. “Well, you know, they say after you cross the 20 mark you’re supposed to start receiving them.”

Well, dear, that’s not something I’d given thought to.

Once you reach the twenties you’re expected to give serious thought to matters concerning matrimony. I don’t think that’s necessarily true because I’ve barely crossed this Rubicon and the mere thought of getting married is still miles away. At least not until I stand on my own feet! Besides, the concept of abiding by the 20 mark is now antiquated. Yet, much to my irritation, signs have started emerging. Dinner table conversation are suddenly dominated by marriage talks. Who’s getting married to whom. Whether or not that was an appropriate match. And the mistakes made. Talks about the indispensability of pairing up with one’s own equal, including the caste factor have grown ubiquitous.

Attendance to every other wedding ceremony has become compulsory. And then there is the issue of living up to the social image. Social etiquette, dress code and public mannerism weren’t a concern with me earlier, so why should any of them matter now? I know I can decide on what clo-thes to wear. I certainly don’t need anyone telling me what to wear and what not to! Conforming to the rules has never been my cup of tea. I consider myself capable of making my own decisions and standing my ground. Besides, I’m grown enough to distinguish between the good and the bad. I surely don’t need people telling me how to lead my life. But I’m not a rebel either.

It would be naïve to assume that I’m self-sufficient. As I tread down the road, I may encounter hurdles and have to confront them. I certainly am not insulated from mistakes. But I need to take the chances.

Moreover, those from whom I receive advice may certainly be wiser. Knowing how to listen is a virtue. More important, however, is knowing when to listen. Let me be the one to decide.

Back to marriage. I am the one who will have to spend the rest of my life with that somebody else. So shouldn’t the groom and the time be my choice? When I walk down the aisle, I have to be sure about my actions, because I don’t want to spend my life with the unsolicited ‘what if!’