Shirish Lamichhane

Each remote flashback that drives me to the school makes me nostalgic. But nothing brings me closer to that plank than the English exams. An essay in English was a certainty, then. The topics varied but “my aim in life” was a routine affair. The moment I spotted it, I would be relieved. Lady luck was always on my side. That being a trend, I started doing quite well in the exam. Everyone praised my creations and applauded different perspectives of mine in

the essays. They served as an outlet to pen down what I felt, something that took me to a different mental threshold. My ambitions dwelled in topics as varied as psychology, research, genetic engineering and so on.

Unlike others, a particular profession in the essay was certainly my favourite choice. After a satisfying essay, I would wait for the results and would gloss over with an eight or nine out of total ten marks for the question. However, for me, setting an aim only existed in essays as my only ambition at that time was to earn good marks for whatever I wrote with enthusiasm. My real aim in life was an unchartered territory for me and that holds true to some extent even now. Times have changed now and I’m no longer a schoolboy. I have somewhat realised that life is not an essay where I can randomly select my ambitions, frame my ideas among one of them and overflow my feelings and score nine out of ten in this big and competitive essay competition called life. Whenever my friend Saroj questions me, “What’s your plan man?”

I answer negligently and often get confused. When other friends ask the same question, I change the topic by answering ambiguously. The reason behind my intention to respond in that manner is even blurry to me. I guess I like to show others that I am a mastermind who knows where he is heading and intends to reveal the plans when he gives them a touch of reality. What was earlier a piece of cake now troubles me with its magnitude. Sometimes I have a weird feeling regarding my career and I try to analyse things while most of the times I find solemnity in ignoring the issue altogether. I enjoy, go out for a movie and celebrate for no reason but my favourite essay topic keeps on stinging me again and again. I scream silently, cry in pain and pray. I’m sure that God will guide me one day but for now if anyone asks me about the most difficult task, my answer would undoubtedly be ‘setting an aim’ in life.