Marriage is an arena portraying power struggle between the sexes in our society. For generations we have been told that man is the bread earner of the house, hence, he needs to have more power. He needs to be more qualified, and he needs to earn more than his wife. If I had to venture a guess, I would say that a man probably came up with this notion. Why is it that we cannot see a woman being more successful than a man?

In my days of innocence, I thought that marriage was a sacred bond between two individuals. Since I was living in a conservative country, I naturally thought it was between a man and a woman. With education and exposure, I realized that was absurd. Marriage is a declaration of love between two individuals, regardless of sex.

After attending some marriage ceremonies I have learned that for a marriage to be accepted and celebrated, many factors need to be considered. First, if possible, it has to be arranged. Parents and relatives meddling in the sacred bond of marriage is an important part of the union of two individuals. Academic qualification is a major factor. Education to me is the most important thing in the world. I’m not a big fan of love. I think even out of the context of marriage you will agree that education is important. The education qualification and quality of the girl are seen as secondary when it comes to marriage. I have heard people say, “You have a Bachelor’s degree, maybe it’s time to marry.” And if the girl says she wants to study more, it’s seen as an obstacle to the number of marriage proposals she may get.

The role of a girl after she gets married in our conservative Nepali society is seen as being a slave to her in-laws, catering to their every need and walking around with her mother-in-law as a trophy. Age is another factor that is important. If you are from Nepal, you know that the preferred age difference is around four years and again, the male has to be older. Income is another, where the male has to earn more. Socio-economic status of the family, where the husband’s family should be superior. In my opinion, this comes from the trend of marrying the daughter off.

This patriarchal society has been looking down on women and not even realizing it because we have given it the name of culture and tradition. You see, in such a religious society, the word culture or tradition is

scary. You don’t want to be challenging them because they have existed for generations. We are following traditions without questioning them.