A parent who tells their kids to limit screen time but is always on their own phone sends a confusing message that creates a double standard
Is our constant use of digital devices pulling us away from the people we love? Today, even when we are in the same room, we are often focused on our own screens instead of each other. This creates a state of physical proximity without true emotional connection, a reality that challenges the very definition of "family time." This has led to less face-to-face time, which is a big problem for families. Our growing use of screens is more than just a bad habit; it's a major shift that affects how families talk and connect.
A 2025 study by Demand Sage found that the average American spends over seven hours a day on screens. Young people spend even more time on screens, with Gen Z averaging more than seven hours and eighteen minutes daily. Teenagers aged 13 to 18 spend over eight and a half hours on entertainment screens alone. This time commitment represents thousands of hours each year that could be spent on real-life conversations and shared experiences. To put that in perspective, this is the equivalent of several full-work weeks each year – time that is not being invested in the home or in face-to-face relationships. This screen time takes away from opportunities for real-life conversations, playing games together, and making memories as a family. One of the biggest problems with this trend is that our communication is worsening. Real conversations, which are key to human connection, are slowly disappearing. ResearchGate findings show that using too many digital devices leads to lower-quality communication. This can hurt our ability to understand each other's feelings. A parent's distracted attention sends a clear, often unintentional, message to a child: 'what's on my screen is more important than you.' This repeated lack of attention can slowly erode a child's sense of self-worth and create a deep emotional distance, leading them to feel unheard and undervalued. We also lose non-verbal cues like eye contact and body language, which are crucial for understanding what someone really means. A quick glance at a phone can break the flow of a sensitive conversation, and this habit prevents the development of nuanced communication skills that are vital for healthy relationships.Too much digital media also has a big impact on our mental health, especially for kids and teens. Many studies have found a link between too much screen time and higher rates of anxiety and depression. For example, a 2024 study from the Ontario Psychological Association found that teens who use screens for more than three hours a day are more likely to feel anxious and depressed.
The time spent on screens also keeps one away from important activities that protect our mental health, like exercise, seeing friends in person, and getting enough sleep. These activities are protective because they release positive endorphins, build real-world coping skills, and are essential for mood regulation. Seeing perfect lives on social media can also make them feel like they are missing out, which leads to a constant feeling of not being good enough and a skewed self-perception.To tackle this problem, we must be more intentional about how and when we use technology. We must stop treating digital devices as a default form of entertainment or distraction and begin to view them as tools for a specific purpose. The goal isn't to get rid of technology entirely, but to be more mindful and purposeful about how we use it. This means setting and sticking to new rules for everyone in the family.
A great strategy is to create specific times and places where screens are not allowed. The dinner table is a perfect example. A study from Virginia Tech showed that just having a phone on the table can make people less engaged in conversation. Putting phones away, even just for dinner, can greatly improve the quality of your conversations. These moments of focused attention let you talk freely, share your day, and build stronger connections. Instead of quick, transactional exchanges, families can engage in deeper discussions, fostering a sense of belonging and mutual respect. Beyond mealtimes, families can institute screen-free hours in the evenings
or on weekends to replace lonely screen time with active, collaborative experiences. These could be anything from a family walk in the park or working on a puzzle to playing board games or cooking a meal together. The goal is not just the activity itself, but the shared experience that comes from it. Consistency in these rules is key, as it sets clear expectations and reinforces the family's commitment to togetherness.Parents' own behaviour is a major factor in their kids' digital habits. A parent who tells their kids to limit screen time but is always on their own phone sends a confusing message that creates a double standard, which children are quick to recognise. This makes their rules less believable and can breed resentment. Instead, parents can show what healthy digital habits look like, like putting phones away during conversations and taking breaks from devices. By showing a balanced approach, parents can teach their children that screens are tools to be used wisely, not things to be glued to all the time.Finding a balance between screen time and family time is a key challenge today. To solve it, we have to make a choice to put our real-world relationships first. The main goal is to choose connection over distraction. While digital platforms will always be a part of our lives, the moments we have to connect with our loved ones are precious and can't be replaced. The long-term health and happiness of our families depend on us all. Let's make a conscious choice to put human connection before digital distractions, ensuring our homes are sanctuaries for real conversation and shared experiences, and creating a legacy of presence for future generations.
