Our readers feel that relatives are both a boon and bane. Whatever colours relatives add to their lives, they feel their lives would not be the same without them

Relatives are an essential part of our life. But some relatives defame others.

One of my nosy relatives talked bad about my behaviour unnecessarily. This chatterbox spread the rumour that I am arrogant and full of attitude. Actually, I was preparing for my exams. I couldn’t talk to her a lot and I informed her about my exams. But she took things negatively and started arguing. I remained calm but it was in vain. But I still believe in togetherness.

— Bishnu Subedi, Kalopul, Kathmandu

Dashain brings our family together in our hometown. I do not like my hometown much because I feel alone there. I always get criticised instead of support. My relatives always interfere in my personal matters. They also indulge in backbiting and oppose everything I do including, my choice of studies,  my work, and behaviour. If I make a mistake unknowingly, they take it as an excuse to put me down. I do not know what their problem is. I think it is better to ignore such people. But there are a few people who accept me the way I am, and support me. They try to make me realise my mistakes and inspire me to become a better person.

— Anusha Shrestha

We live in a society where we need to cope with people around us. One of the most important parts of the society are our relatives. Relatives are actually the mirror of what we are. We tolerate whatever they do or say because we do the same to them. If we don’t want to encounter any uncomfortable situation, then we should simply stop doing that.

I have faced some terrible moments due to my relatives. Though I got embarrassed with what happened, I feel that may be it is not completely their fault, after all that is what society has made us. If we want to change our nosy relatives, then it should start with us.

— Jully Bajracharya

I meet my relatives either at my place or theirs and it is always fun and joyful being with them. As the only job-holder and Master’s-degree pursuing girl in the family and among relatives, I receive special attention and blessings which overwhelm me with joy and pride. But together with the good wishes, I also have to face the jealousy and nose-poking of some relatives.  Some of my relatives admire me and encourage my family to let me complete my studies and make my career, while others are always jealous and try their best to obstruct, which I believe is a part of life.

I generally have to face three questions that trouble me as I don’t have the perfect answers to satisfy them. Nosy or not,  all my relatives, especially when they’ve gathered at someone’s wedding, often tease me a lot about when I plan to marry.  I always avoid them by simply smiling and acting like a child.  But it is usually tough to avoid questions regarding my salary. So, I simply say it is very less and that mummy keeps an account of it, so I don’t exactly know. That annoys them. When it comes to studies, my answer is at least a PhD.  So I am often misunderstood as a proud one.

At the end, it is always good time with them beyond the three questions.

— Ritu Gupta, Birgunj-13, Parsa

Relatives are part of one’s family. They are the ones who give us company whether in happy or sad moments. They visit on special occasions or festivals. Last Dashain lots of relatives came to my house to put tika. However, I had my exams right after Dashain. Due to the noise in the house, I was unable to study or concentrate in my subjects. I was upset as well as annoyed as my relatives disturbed me a lot. So, I shut my door but one of my maternal aunts came in and helped me understand the subject of Sociology by giving various examples and explanations. Her examples made it easy for me to understand the subject. I felt regret at my behaviour towards them, but my maternal aunt hugged me smiling.

The lesson I learnt was that our relatives are our well-wishers who help us in any situation. They come to our house to celebrate and enjoy. They do not make noise, instead they make the environment happy and entertaining.

I think that celebrating a festival alone will be very boring and dull. So, to have fun and for a happy environment, we need relatives.

— Sonika Lamichhane

Relatives are an essential part of our lives. Sometime relatives can be a meaningful supplement in the absence of the nearest family members, at other times relatives become problematic in a difficult situation. Some relatives are supportive and want to see our progress, but some are greedy with a negative attitude and always criticise.

I have had both good and bad moments with my relatives. When I was in Class XII, I was a studious and hard working student. One of my relatives — who I used to call Aunty — had daughter who was in my class. She was lazy and weak in her studies.  That Aunty was jealous of me. We had to do a project work in a group. Our Population teacher divided us into groups and sent us for data collection to make a report. In that Aunty’s daughter’s group, there were only girls. But there were all boys in my group. We had to do a field visit, collect data and do analysis to make a report. That Aunty saw me with the ‘boyfriends’ doing data collection.

As she didn’t want me to get good marks, she went and told my parents, who are uneducated and narrow minded, some unnecessary things and convinced them not to send me for data collection. They listened to her and didn’t give their permission for field visit with boys. I was not old or mature enough then to convince my parents.  So, I just quarrelled with that Aunty and vowed not to keep any relation with her. As I couldn’t complete my assignment, I got very less marks in that subject and I couldn’t fulfil my dream of topping my college and getting admission in the college of my choice. Due to less marks, I couldn’t study the subject of my choice in Bachelors’ level.

Today if we meet on the way, we go our ways like strangers.

— Sunita Khatri, Pharping, Kathmandu

Families and relatives unite during festivals. And we also get nervous as we have to face some ‘questioning’ relatives. They visit not to celebrate the festivals but to question us. I have had such embarrassing moments in my life. And such questioning occur again and again once a girl passes her adolescent years. Parents worry when a daughter comes home late, and when it gets to the ears of your nosy relatives, it becomes the burning issue of the family.

A few months ago I was home late since I had to attend my friend’s birthday party. It wasn’t that late but being from a traditional society, it was like I had committed a grave sin. This became an issue for quite a long time and some of my relatives played a major role in making it a big issue.

— Romina Maharjan

In our culture we believe ‘Atithi Devo Bhawa’ and we give our guests and relatives all the respect, hospitality, love and care. Whenever, any of my relatives come to my home, I have to suffer more than any other member in my family.

Firstly, I have to sacrifice my room. Then I have to share all my cosmetic products. Moreover, they read my personal dairy and look at my photo album without my permission.

However, the thing that I like most about them is that they always encourage me to give my all to my studies. My cousins especially, when they come, they only talk about my marks, studies and progress. Even the older relatives show interest in my studies. They always tell my mother to let her daughters study, allow them to hold a job, become settled, and then she can get married with their permission. These good things happen when they come to my home.

— Khushbu Gupta, Ashokvatika, Birgunj-13

Festivals are the time to get together with our relatives. As people work except on public holidays, festivals give them leave to pursue pleasure. Not only working people, even children, grandparents and others get the perfect reason to meet their loved ones. But with the arrival of a few relatives, sometimes we don’t pursue happiness.  We have a feeling that those nosy relatives come with the aim to target us with their never-ending comments. They judge and criticise us for no rhyme or reason.

One time since it was the holidays, I thought of keeping my hair long. When my relatives saw me and my long hair, they started their comments. And not just me, even my parents had to hear their lectures and only because my hair was long. From that day, I thought I better not them give a chance to criticise, but every time they find a new issue.

— Manish Maharjan, Bijeshwori, Kathmandu

It was after SLC and for the first time my uncle gave me some advice regarding higher studies. I was curious about the future, so I listened to him carefully. I studied Science, which was my field of interest. As I was a Biology student, I was preparing for entrance exams after my finals. In that period I was amazed to know how much interest my relatives had in my personal life. Every time they met, I was asked whether I had got my name on scholarship list. I was fed up hearing that question. So I decided not to meet any of my relatives till I got my name on that scholarship list. But my parents were quite supportive, which gave me courage to face the situation. After some attempts I was successful to get my name on the list. This was all possible due to the curiosity of my relatives.

I remember that during my childhood when my father’s friends used to come to our house and ask me about my results, before I could reply, they asked in advance whether I was first, second or third. This question was common to almost everyone I knew. Though those were my bad days, I think I am here today due to that and want to thank everyone for their interest in me.

— Saroj

Suggestions given by relatives play a vital role in our life, especially it is very important for children. Some of my relatives are very irritating and annoying. They always talk about studies whenever I meet them. They always talk about studies even in a party. They always tell us not play though it is good for children’s physical health. When there is a discussion about studies, they compare us with other children. This annoys me very much. When I start studying, these things come to my mind which distracts me and I cannot concentrate in my studies.

But some of my family members are friendly and kind. When my father tells me to study, he doesn’t shout. He gives a reason why to study and what will happen if I don’t study. That convinces me to study more. Therefore I think family/relatives need to give reasons while giving us suggestions.

— Amaranjay Bhatt, Class V student

Of course relatives play an important part in our life. They are the ones who help us, guide us, motivate us, encourage us and even praise us. One fact which cannot be denied is we need relatives because they are the ones who can be useful to us whenever we are in dire situations. Although they can never take place of our parents, they are certain to console us in our moments of grief, trouble and pressure. I have some cousins who are both free and easy to talk to and give me enough time.

— Pratik Shrestha, Buddhanagar, Baneshwor

Relatives are an important part of our life. They are our family members, friends and others who are close to us.

One time my family organised a birthday party for me. I was excited about my birthday party. We had invited all our relatives.  At that time I had completed my +2 and was staying at home. My relatives asked me about my studies. I told them that I was in a dilemma regarding my choice of studies. My relatives provided me information about BBA, the scope of BBA, they suggested various names of BBA colleges providing quality education with a conducive environment. I realise that relatives have had a great impact in my life. They helped solve my dilemma helping me choose my faculty. They played a vital role in my life to determine my future objectives and goals. I would like to thank them from the inner core of my heart.

— Depa Lamichhane

It disturbs my peace of mind when my ‘so-called suvachintak’ (well-wishers) touch my internal complications by wanting to know about my academic grades/marks, monthly salary and educational status.

As I am a dropout, I get irritated whenever my relatives question me about my studies. When I reveal the truth to them, they seem to be quite negative and urge me not to quit studies in the last stage. Most of them suggest me to complete my Bachelor’s (BSc) as soon as possible. I try to change the topic, but some of them discuss other matters and try to dig deep into my personal matters. In such a situation, I just can’t control myself and I tend to act rudely. I scream in an unusual manner with a motive to shut up their mouths.

However, their recommendations and offensive remarks do not alter my path. I’m something else. These narrow-minded people and society will never try to realise my field of interest. They ask about my current status, but they never ask about my mental status and my subjects of interest. They only know how to troll others and argue unnecessarily regarding other’s personal issues. They only believe in a philosophy of completing one’s unfulfilled tasks regardless of one’s internal desire to do something else in their life.

Nonetheless, there are some relatives who positively try to counsel me and give some constructive feedback which are always welcome.

— Sanjog Karki, Tansen-6, Basantapur, Palpa

My relatives have their own traits. Some are generous, helpful and loveable, whereas some are cunning, rude and irritating. My sisters are the most lovable. They love me a lot. I always have a lot of fun when they are around.

Most of the relatives from my mother’s side are very helpful. They care about me and always help me out giving good advice to any problem I face.

Some of the relatives from my father’s family are very nosy. They are always curious about my income, the model of my cellphone, how much money do I give my family every month, and so on. Nevertheless whatever they do, we crack a lot of jokes when we are together and have fun. We have so many stories to tell and we laugh a lot.

— Manjit Dahal , Texas, USA

For me, Dashain is not only a festival, it is also an opportunity to meet all my relatives. It is once a year I get to meet my grannys and siblings. Every teenager feels that questions asked by relatives such as results and all other stuff are so annoying . But getting mature year by year, I feel that I am also asking the same questions to my younger siblings because we meet once a year and we don’t know what is going on in their lives, and by asking their class standards and all, it is not to criticise them but only to start conversations with them.

— Pratikshya Tripathi

Family ties and family values are an integral part of Asian societies cutting across different nations, religions, ethnicity, creeds and cultures. On one hand, they have significant positive impacts on different family members, while on the other they have generated undesirable negative feelings due to our sociocultural inability of limiting intervening into the private space of other family member(s) that often leads to confusion, disharmony, mistrust, animosity or gives birth to negative emotions like hatred among one another.

Being born in such a sociocultural landscape, my life is no different from anyone else’s. I am thankful to my relatives for their positive support and guidance in shaping my life and career, while I also admit the negative impacts several others have had on my life through their negative acts, harsh words, lack of cooperation as well as rudeness and misbehaviour. However, I think both these experiences have helped me learn more about life in general, and Asian cultures in depth.

All of us have to accept that our bad habit of getting too deep into the acceptable comfort zones of our close as well as distant family members and not respecting the value of giving respectable space to others irrespective of their age, gender, social status and financial conditions, and the lack of positive cooperation and empathy have cumulatively contributed to the erosion of social practice of joint families. Hence, my humble suggestion to all is to accept the support and criticism of relatives with a grain of salt as they may or may not be correct and appropriate at all times.

We need to show respect and love for one another to bridge the gap among relatives to the best of our ability as family ties, family members and relatives are a social treasure.

— Saikat Kumar Basu, Canada