TOPICS: Plight of daughters

The fear of growing up to be like one's mother has long been an anxiety among urban women. Daughters often reject their mothers' lifestyle and values, and adopt the social values of their own generation, be it by dating, dressing, choosing one's own spouse, expressing a preference of a nuclear family or in the way they raise their children. This often leads to tension and misunderstanding between the two, ultimately fueling an unending battle for supremacy.

The trend of working mothers can also stiffen the competition, as a teenage daughter might feel overshadowed by her mother's achievements and recognition outside the home. It is not uncommon for the daughter to suffer from an inferiority complex when her mother is an overachiever, as there will always be a kind of comparison. It is obvious that the daughter would be overwhelmed by the prospect of filling very big shoes. In such cases, it is important for the mother to be sensitive to her laugher's feelings and insecurities.

An overachiever mother may think constant sharing of her achievements and talents is a healthy process, but this may give her daughter a complex if she doesn't share the same interest or is not good at those activities or doesn't have the skills.

The daughter, despite not having her mother's qualities, may unconsciously feel that she is expected to match her mother's achievements.

It would be unfair to expect a

mother to sacrifice her dreams and smother talents but keep in mind your daughter's interest and help develop them. Try to get her involved, as opposed to merely voicing your own needs and achievement.

Daughters, who are forced to compete with their mothers, inadvertently find themselves faced with two equally repulsive options: to take on the mother in a futile power struggle or remain ineffective, insignificant and infantilized in the family hierarchy.

There is a thin line that divides being yourself and infringing on your daughters territory. Ultimately, being there for your daughter and a genuine concern for her well-being is enough to help you tide over any relationship turbulence along the way. No matter how deep the wounds, things do simmer down with time, when you let love and empathy ease whatever differences may exist.