Scream, shout, cry, laugh, hide, run away, feel numb, scared, lonely, relieved. How did you think you would react to a positive result before you actually had the HIV test?

There are some things that you can only understand when they happen to you.

Reaction to the result is different for everyone. Over time, you’ll find a way of dealing with it that suits you, but it might be quite different to the way other people cope with it. Try and think about living — thousands of other people live full and rewarding lives despite HIV — you can do it too.

Your first action as a person living with HIV is to make a choice — what to do next. The choices won’t stop there; making the right ones to enrich and extend your life might play an increasing part in every new day.

It’s not easy

No one ever suggested any of this would be easy. If you need time and space to think your situation through, take it. Whatever you’re going through is natural. How you deal with this news is up to you. HIV is threatening your existence, so it’s all right to be angry. If you are scared, express your fears. Don’t be hard on yourself and don’t force yourself to be strong if you don’t want to be.

Stress is natural and affects your emotions. However, excessive stress can cause physical symptoms, it can damage your immune system and make you ill. Find ways to relax and recharge your batteries. Listen to your body; if you are tired, rest and you’ll be better for it.

Choose things that work for you

HIV can bring anxieties. One way of tackling these are through getting information, by learning about your condition, gaining confidence in it, in yourself and making informed choices for your future.

Getting

Information

Receiving a positive diagnosis, even if you were anticipating the result, is often very unsettling. As a result some people just accept the information they are given without really understanding it, or forget to ask questions essential for their peace of mind. However, being well informed about HIV and related issues can be vital and doctors, support organisations and other people living with HIV can all provide both advice and information.

Ultimately all decisions relating to your life will still be made by you, so if you are unclear about anything, for example the different side-effects of drug treatment, then ask. Being assertive and getting informed can be as useful as any treatment.

Who to tell?

Whom to tell and how can take a bit of thinking through. Telling close friends and family can provide enormous relief and support, but it can also cause problems. Do people really need to know? Do they need to know immediately? Unfortunately, it’s a fact of life that there’s still a lot of stigma attached to an HIV diagnosis.

Many people are still afraid of catching HIV through normal social contact. Your background or culture may also play a part in how difficult it might be for you to tell other people.

Be careful who you tell, don’t rush off and tell everyone straight away — you might regret telling them later. But sharing the news of your positive status with the right people can strengthen personal relationships and help you feel less isolated.

Probably the first thing that someone you tell will think about is how you got infected. If they’re kind enough not to actually ask, be careful that they aren’t making assumptions about you.

Talk to people you can trust, but try to make sure they will respect your need and right to confidentiality on this issue. Try to make sure whoever you discuss it with is sympathetic to your viewpoint, someone who won’t judge you on your lifestyle, sexuality or being HIV positive.

This might be difficult, and though you think you know who your friends are, telling others about this might either confirm or damage personal relationships.

Your Partner

Just as your HIV positive result was possibly a big event to happen in your life, if you’re in a relationship the news will also have an impact on your partner. Consider the highly emotional aspects of revealing your status and, if possible, avoid the “heat of the moment” to reveal all. If you’re going to tell, don’t delay it for too long. If they are negative, or untested, they might resent you keeping it to yourself, adding unnecessary worry about any risk of infection they might have been in.

Of course, if you discussed the issue before you were tested, talking through the result might be easier.

Children

If you have children, you may have additional concerns about whether to tell them your diagnosis and whether they need to be tested too. Parents may well need to talk to someone with experience in this area — your clinic or local AIDS service organisation, or other parents with HIV might be able to help.

Friends

Disclosure could be when you find out who your friends really are. Carefully deciding who to tell might teach you how to deal with telling others. Common reactions are: shock, pity, disbelief, helplessness, or endless questions. Some people may decide they don’t want to know or see you any more. But your real friends will carry on as before, liking and loving you for who you are, supporting you through any problems you have.

Remember, being HIV positive does not stop you from being the person you were before you knew your test result.

Family

No two families are the same either. If your immediate family are supportive and loving, your news will bring them anxiety and pain, but could also strengthen your relationship. The alternative is that some members of your family will shun you. Not telling parents could eventually make them even more upset. You know your family better than anyone else does, it might be a gamble, but it’s your decision.

Your culture may make it impossible to discuss HIV with your family and friends. There are many organisations and help lines who may be able to put you in touch with other people in a similar situation to you who mi-ght be able to offer support or listen to your concerns.