Keshav P Koirala

Kathmandu:

Recently, a seven-year-old child ended it all by hanging himself in Kathmandu for a packet of biscuits. People say it was a bizarre suicide. Had they understood the correlation of child psychology and the impression imposed on a child’s mind by movies or advertisements and the family and social environment, they would say it was an accident.

Since there is no censorship on the commercials, films, etc, the children emulate what they see. There is no age-group categorisation of films nor is there sufficient material targeted at kids for entertainment and education. Thus, the excessive and unmonitored exposure to obscene and obscure subjects make them aggressive.

Yadav*, 13, is not a bright student but his parents want him to excel. They scolded him and his friend teased him when he failed an exam. His furious father asked him to return the money that he had spent on his studies and rebuked him saying if he did not obtain good marks there was no reason to be alive. Yadav felt embarrassed and became depressed, he developed suicidal tendency.

“When I saw two other classmates too had failed, I felt I was not single,” he says. Most parents are imposing their desire upon their children. They feel that their wards must obey them and fulfil their desire. Dr Niranjan P Upadhayay, senior psychologist, says: “When the attitude and interest of the parents and the offspring do not meet then the latter becomes rebellious.” Sunil*, 23, is a medical student. In his early teens he felt “suicidal” when a girl rejected his proposal. “I did not know what love was, I had tried what a hero in a film had done,” says he.

“At that time I had expected positive response from her. She did not care for me so I tried to hang myself to gain sympathy.” Fortunately, his elder sister saved him. His family members were wise and understood his feelings; they convinced him that it was infatuation, not love. “Had I killed myself, I would not have been a doctor.”

Yadav Raj Joshi, research and planning coordinator of Sanjivani Nepal, an NGO that works in the field of reproductive and mental health, says that more than 60 per cent of the suicidal cases are related to love and exams.

Studies have revealed that children who are victims of exploitation and neglect may become rebellious, stubborn and violent. If there is conflict in the family or the environment is unhealthy then the children are more at risk of depression or going astray.

Prevalent family history of violence or suicide may induce an impression on the children or adolescents that it is not wrong to do so. Change in behaviour should be taken seriously and guardians should take care; instead of scolding them or disregarding their feelings, wise guardians should try to understand their emotions and treat psychologically.

Crying, quarrelling, breaking rules, disobeying elders, impulsiveness and sometimes self-mutilation are such behaviours that require expert counselling and psychological treatment.

The easy availability and accessibility of lethal weapons or equipments may enthuse them to check that out. The most applied method of suicide among all age groups is hanging and studies have shown that the children who have seen someone hanging or doing something violent, have high probability of attempting the same.

Suicidal attempt: impulse or plan For those who commit suicide, it is a permanent solution of a temporary problem. No sufficient studies have been conducted in Nepal to say how many of the suicidal attempts are impulsive and how many are pre-planned says Dr Dhruva Man Shrestha of Mental Hospital at Jawalakhel.

However, case studies on suicidal behaviour have revealed that nearly half of the suicidal attempts are based on the spur of the moment decision while the other half is pre-planned — in the sense there are some warning signs.

Rajesh*, 17, once asked his mother for some money, she was ready but his father interfered saying he won’t get money to spending for no reason. “I felt annoyed so I tried to threaten him. I said I would jump from the rooftop if he did not give me money,” he recalls. “That was not a suicide attempt but because of my ego I jumped and broke my leg.” Recent studies conducted by Sanjivani Nepal has shown that 54.47 per cent of the are related to emotion. This means the decision might have been impulsive.

Warning signs Either people talk about it or indicate that they are contemplating suicide by what they do — these are the warning signs.

• Verbal signs: I’m thinking of ending it all, What’s the use of going on?, Life is not worth living, Nothing matters anymore, I’m a loser, I can’t do anything right, I don’t know whether we will see next time or not, all my problems will end soon, I won’t be needing these things any more...

• Self-alienation and depression followed by deep sadness and guilt.

• Handing over valued possessions.

• Ambivalence and reckless behaviour.

• Self-mutilation.

• Breaking rules and impulsiveness.

What induces suicidal thoughts Easy availability of lethal weapons and materials. Habit of pursuing temporary solutions and lack of farsightedness. Impulsive and complex character. Family history of suicide and violence. And finally, alcohol and drug abuse.

What to do If we find someone is feeling suicidal, what do we do? If we respond to it by

offering advice then we are wrong.

People who feel suicidal don’t want answers or to be advised. What they want is a safe place to express their fears and anxieties. We have to listen to them sincerely and patiently and try to understand their feelings. Though they see the world through a narrow perspective, we need to understand things from their perspective, not ours.

Those who feel suicidal actually do not want to die, they want to put an end to their psychological pain. Hence a counsellor has a major role to facilitate an individual to change their perception and ultimately the behaviour.

For those who feel suicidal

• Talk to those people whom you trust — hopefully, they can give you reasons to live!

• Think, how would your suicide affect your family and friends? They do care about you and you will miss them all if you kill yourself!

• If you are trying to find a worthless solution by killing yourself, you won’t be there to see this wonderful world.

• Good news for those who are suffering from depression or those who have suicidal tendency — Sanjivani Nepal is going to launch a hotline Jeevan-Dhara to provide spot counselling as well as individual counselling soon.

* Name changed to protect identities